Being an adult (a happy one) is a many faceted thing. Happiness being an individual construct, we all get there on our own time, taking our own roads, and learning different lessons along the way that help us distill the good-stuff into such a potent potion that all we’re left with is appreciation.
One of the biggest moments of clarity in the realm of being at peace and finding happiness part of my life came when I realized that everyone’s a little bit messed up. And I mean, everyone. The people you love, the people you don’t. And even the people you most look up to. And it’s this imperfect perfection that binds us all together in empathy and confusion.
Being at peace with the messed-uppedness of the world around us is liberating. Truly. When you’re able to accept that disappointment & futile attempts at understanding the intentions of the universe might either break you or make you – then you’re well on your way to finding firm footing in a world always in flux.
I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that everyone’s imperfect from a very young age. It was almost as if, as a child of summer and heatwaves, I had a super-powered empathy switch that let me see other children and adults as beings who were searching for something they’d never achieve. Was it perfection they longed for? I think it was. In their quests to become as close to perfect as they could, they stumbled. Often. And, each stumble or misstep broke them. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes they were just a little bit broken. So, while many couldn’t see them, I clearly saw the cracks in their facades in eyes that didn’t dance while lips tried to mislead us with false smiles on rosy cheeks. Both the light and the darkness pushed and pulled in a tug-o-war of shadows across strained, stressed out faces.
They were trying to hide disappointment. Disappointment. Gah! It shatters people – I’ve seen it. I’ve been it. And, over time, I’ve learned to quickly move on from it.
I decided a long time ago, before Pinterest and pithy internet quotes, to not just forgive others for their fucked up states or for disappointing themselves/me/each other. But, to forgive myself first. We carry so much in this world already – why carry guilt, anger, stress, or negativity? Those things are so laden with solitude. With sadness. With bone crushing exhaustion. I instead carry curiosity, forgiveness, and understanding. As cliche as it sounds, we all do get to choose how to act and react to life. To moments. To sadness and joy. This isn’t to say that I never grapple with frustration, soul crushing despair, and other negative feelings. I do. I just accept these feelings. I stop where I am, acknowledge them. Work through why I’m feeling them. And then drop them. I will not carry them – not for long.
Many times in life, recognizing when to close a chapter versus when to keep putting pen to paper will be the difference between being happy – and not. My advice is simple: let go of what you cannot change. Hang onto the people who make you feel invincible and silly. And, forgive yourself quickly – even if you’ve fucked up royally. Beauty is all around in the random, unchangeable, and irreverent ways of the world. All of my heroes have feet of clay.
I know this much is true.
Below is a video I shot recently on the very topic of Disappointment. Have a watch, share it if you like. And, remember to go easy on yourself.