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Expert Tips For Surviving a Crisis Of Confidence

I have something to tell you.

Sit down, grab a cuppa, & buckle up.

This morning I woke up & wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. To simply find a dark place to hide away in.

Away from the world.
Away from pressures nipping at my heels & responsibilities I’ve signed up for.
Away from my own internal narrative of self-doubt.

But I couldn’t hide. Or rather, I refused to.

Because while getting out of bed was tough, I knew that I needed to move – my mind, my body, my goal-posts. I couldn’t stagnate. I couldn’t let self-limiting chatter in my mind make limitations a theme for the day.

We’re all our own worst critics.

We’re all so hard on ourselves. Why is that? Where does that little voice inside our heads that tells us we’re not good enough come from? When are we taught to second-guess our motives?

I don’t have all of the answers, but I do know that it’s important to acknowledge that we all have bad days. Some are worse than others. And, although they might not happen often, when they do, they can be all consuming.

It would be remiss of me (or any of us) to pretend that life is all about riding the highs. That each day is greeted by rainbows & butterflies with nary a dark rain cloud looming on the horizon.

But that’s what we do online, through social media, & through facades we don in professional settings isn’t it? We pretend everything’s okay, when it’s not. We wear masks & paint on smiles hoping no one else realises that our walls are cracking.

Ready to crumble.

When it comes to confidence & women, research has shown that there’s a big ‘ol gap that separates the sexes. While dudes surely have moments of insecurity & low self-esteem, the weight of these two emotional loads pull women back at much more alarming rates.

I digress though. Moving on, to why I’m writing this.

Climbing without falling isn’t a true representation of reality.

We’d all like to be happy all of the time right? Ride a dopamine wave around loop-de-loops & throw our hands in the air without a worry in the world.

But the roller coaster ride isn’t all fun & rush-inducing. Nope, life is fast, slow, up, down & everything in between. It’s a wild ride. A broken, yet beautiful, journey that we all travel.

So, here I am. Tippity-typing my innermost thoughts. Before you ask, yes, I’m slightly afraid to share them. Shedding light on anything other than a perfectly crafted veneer is uncomfortable for most of us.

But, fear not, I have great news!

Moments of darkness, confusion, & sagging self-belief aren’t all bad. In fact, it’s taken many a crisis of confidence, in my life to build me into the *mostly* consistently confident person that I am today.

Keep on truckin’, Team!

All of those quotes about ‘fall down seven times, stand up eight…’ resonate with us because they are rooted deeply in the fallible nature of humanity.

And, seeing that we’re all humans, understanding that we’re inherently flawed is a good thing to learn ear.y.

Like all of us, crisis moments are all unique. No two moments of self-doubt or crisis are the same. They can be as quick as a flash-in-the pan or last days (or weeks or longer) depending on the situation.

And as cliche as it is to say this, the deeper the impact, the higher I’ve risen afterwards.

By using lows as starting points for growth, I’ve learned to ride the rough waves towards a sunny shoreline. And, I’ve taken time out over the course of my professional career & in my personal life to hone skills in utilising techniques around positive self-talk.

No more limitations. No more negative trolls between my ears.

Over the years, the following four tips are the ones I come back to time & time again to get me out of bed, out of a rut, & back into a positive frame of self-reference.

I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me. Sometimes the simplest things (perspective, conversation & context) are the most helpful weapons we have to fight self-doubt.

1. Take a deep breath
Breathing is what keeps us here. It’s what grounds us. It’s what moves us forward. Being able to control your breathing means you control your body. When your body is settled – then you can take care of your mind. Taking a deep breath also means pausing & evaluating your current situation. You’re allowed to cry. And I big, ugly, feel-it-in-your-soul crying. But once you’ve done that, take a deep breath. Then another. And then, find a way to be calm. Sit with yourself & allow yourself the time & space you need to move onto tip number two.

Which is…

2. Talk to someone you trust
Oftentimes I try to solve my problems without letting anyone else in on them. Why? I’m not really sure. But, I think it’s probably got something to do with appearing weak, imperfect, & not enough for others to want to be around me. My goal in life is to spread goodness, not to be a drag on others. So, for a long time, I’ve hidden away things that bother me or that cause me to doubt myself. Talking to someone, be it a friend, family member, or therapist is a good thing. Most of the time other people want to be there for you. If someone reacts badly to your truth, find someone else to talk to. Find someone who wants to help. I promise, you’ll be amazed at the level of love & support you’ll get by opening up in your own, genuine way.

That then leads us to…

3. Make a plan
Making a plan doesn’t have to be onerous & time consuming. It also doesn’t have to be a forever-plan. Making a plan can be as simple as getting up & getting dressed – & from there, going for a walk or writing down your thoughts. The important aspect of planning is that you’re focussing on moving forward, not looking back. You don’t have to solve your problems all in one foul-swoop. But you can start to tackle little pieces of problems in a way that gives you hope, belief, & purpose. Not all big moments stem from big plans. Start small. Do what you can with what you’ve got – & move forward at the pace you can move at in the moment.

From there, it’s time to….

4. Celebrate the small stuff
This is something I try to do as often as I can. Taking notice of, & then celebrating small milestones gives us a realistic way of approaching our days. Be it at work, at play, or in our pursuit of joy – practicing appreciation for moments that become building blocks is super important to creating a habit of positive self-belief in all of us. I don’t mean for this to sound trite, but I reckon if we all really celebrated each other & our little moments of victory more often, that our workplaces & homes would be filled with so much more love & our crisis of confidence days would be less and less. So remember, Team, celebrate yourself. Celebrate others. Celebrate more & more to be more & more!

Back to good.

Right, so those are the top four ways that I personally employ to get my head back in the right place – a place of positive self-talk, confidence boosting thoughts, & of forward movement.

Here’s hoping you’re having an amazing day. If not, take a deep breath… & then rock into a future of motion begetting motion. Success begetting success. And, a life of mostly confident self-love!

Thank you for reading. I appreciate your time & any feedback you may have.

Also, because I’m sucker for a good, pithy quote I’ve added some below. Enjoy!

Cassie Roma

confidence building
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Walking A Tightrope: Braving The Unknown

Here’s the thing about young, handsome Argentinian lifeguards on beaches… they’re very convincing.

VERY.
CONVINCING.

Maybe it’s was his accent, my broken Español, or the casual way in which his eyes lit up when I said “Is that hard to do?” that I decided to go out on a limb yesterday. Literally.

(NOTE: my decision may have been swayed simply by the fact that I am competitive as f*ck, & a cute kid decided to go before me – I couldn’t wimp out & still be a semi-cool-Mom after that!)

Tightrope walking, I can assure you, is not for people afraid of falling. It’s also usually not something 36yr old mother’s who have never tightrope-walked before do at a public beach on a super windy day.

But, what the hey. My inner voice whispered seductively to me “New year, same me… let’s do this, Cass. You wanted to adventure more. You wanted to make memories & try new things. Here’s your first shot at it. And, you’re only three feet above the ground.”

Damn you, seductive inner voice. As awkward as you are, you sure are convincing. Potentially just as convincing as our new, tanned friend from Argentina. So, with a little gust of wind catching me up the backside & along the path towards the tightrope (as well as a healthy cheering on from my beloved & my bestest pal) – I kicked off my jandals & climbed a tree trunk (not very high) to the springy, stringy thing I would soon be walking – or falling – across.

Lucky for me, mi amigo nuevo, saw I was nervous & gave me his hand. Though he was there to steady me as I took my first VERY uncertain first step, he also talked me through where my line of site should be, how to relax & unravel the tension in the rope through my balance, & showed me how to have fun while completely terrified.

Anyone who knows me well, knows I used to be terrified of heights. Strangely, over the years, I’ve gotten much better with heights – but walking that uneven & unsteady rubber-band was pretty nerve wracking for me.

I may have only been three feet above Terra Firma, but it just as easily could’ve been 30 or 300 feet as far as I was concerned in the moment!

Making it all the way across, I learned a few things in the minute I spent without my feet firmly planted on the ground.

Mostly, I learned these key lessons:

  1. Be courageous
    This is seriously not as easy as it sounds. Most of us like to think that we’re daring… at least a little bit. But, in practice, I personally end up turning down opportunities to try new things for fear of what others – and even my own inner-voice – might think. I consistently tell my daughter that she can’t be good at everything. You have to start somewhere, and somewhere is usually right at the beginning. No one starts off as a master. Masters were always once beginners. So, while I might end up sounding like a $.50 fortune cookie, I reckon we should all start at the beginning. Without fear. Without judgement. But, more so, with hope, joy & a sense of adventure. Courage is contagious – pass it on.
  2. Don’t Look Down
    As my Argentinean friend told me as I started walking from one tree to another “Look only ahead, not down, not to the side.” This really resonated with me in the moment – and resonates even more now thinking back on his words. We oftentimes spend so much time looking in a direction other than that in which we’re heading that we lose sight of our end destination. Even with strong winds whipping at your back, or with wobbly footing, if you look ahead & focus on what you’re hoping to achieve – your chance of getting there inherently grows by leaps & bounds. I always tell my teams at work that, as a manager, it’s my job to provide a ‘North Star’ for them to steer towards. It’s their job to get there – whether it be swinging across Orion’s Belt or sliding through the big dipper. Keep your eyes up. Move with intent.
  3. Have fun falling
    This is something I’ve grown to embrace & love over the past few years. Falling, itself, is fun. It’s the landing, if you’re not prepared for it, or it comes too soon, that hurts the most. It’s taken time, but I’ve started to not just face my fear of falling (and, failing) but to embrace it with my eyes wide open. Most probably squealing all the way to the bottom where a soft landing (or slight thunk) awaits. Falling, like flying is all part of the journey. If you embrace each moment, you’ll find fun just around every corner.

 

So, there you have it. A small moment. But, big lessons. Here’s to more travelling South Americans on Auckland beaches this summer, helping us all face our fears – while reminding us, there’s no shame in having a helping hand to steady us while we learn.

Gracias, amigo mio. Que te vayas bien.

 

Tightrope walking!
Tightrope walking!
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My Top 10 in 2017: Riding the Waves, Outlasting the Blues, & Finding the Silver Linings

Bandwagon post ahead, kinda.

Every year as we collectively rock into the Festive Season, I like to take stock of the year just gone by.  By slowing down & feeling grateful for new lessons-learned, big wins, ouchy losses, & everything in between I’m feeling rather introspective & reflective.

Why? Well, most likely because I’m getting older. 36 years on this planet has sure taught me the importance of thankfulness & sharing with others. And, a single trip around the sun seems as good a time as any to reflect on the past, embrace the present, & look ahead to what the next 365 sleeps might bring.

In the spirit of turning over another page in the proverbial book of my life, I’ve come up with a little list that I hope will give you, dear reader, a bit of hope, a few lolz, & (most importantly) rev you up for a new year.

2018, I can’t wait to meet you.

Top Ten Things I Learned This Year. 

  1. Sand, Pebbles, Boulders 
    After a particularly fraught day this year worrying about a friendship gone sour, a good friend gave me some good advice in the form of sand, pebbles, & boulders. “There are three kinds of people in life,” she told me  “& each one acts as either sand, a pebble, or a boulder. The sand signifies the folks who ebb in & then quickly flow from our lives. As the tides go high & then low, those who are sand move quickly from our attention. Next you’ve got the pebbles. With the tide, they stay a bit longer than the sand. But, not forever. Last, but certainly not least, you have the boulders. These are your ‘forever people.’ They’re the ones you know will always stand steadfast in your corner. Whether you’re in the same room as them, or 10,000 miles away – your boulders are the folks to spend the most time on.” Wise words, right? They were perfectly timed & acted as a salve to my worried heart. Lesson learned. Build your dreams on solid ground. Whatever the reason, lesson, or purpose for relationships that catch fire & then fizzle, the people that matter most are the ones you can hold onto no matter the surge of the sea.
  2. Chase your dreams 
    Seriously & literally – chase the things you want most. Grab your sneakers, lace up & sprint in the direction of your dreams. Hassle them, haunt them, & keep them consistently in your line of sight. If you can see the end goal, then the roads you take while running after them don’t matter as much. If I’ve learned anything this year about accomplishing long-term/Bucket List goals, it’s that motion begets motion. If you’re consistently moving in the direction of where you want to be, eventually you’ll get there. For me, I wanted to branch out.  To start speaking more. To start sharing with others the experience I’ve built over an entire adulthood of storytelling for brands. So, I went to the conferences I wanted to go to. I became friends with people who think deep, laugh loud, & do good. I started doing a lot more work in the community. I began mentoring others. I joined advisory boards. And… I took more time out to dance in the living room with my little family.  If you’re a list writer, write three things you’d like to accomplish in 2018, then start chasing your dreams. Remember to go easy on yourself, too. The uphill bits are a slog, but when you hit flat part of the journey & take time to enjoy successes you’ll find it’s all worth it. Promise.
  3. Ask nicely
    As my parents told me as a child, ‘Manners matter.’ And, they do. If you’re looking for leadership, assistance, insider-information, or simply someone’s time – ask them nicely. It’s commonsense that we should treat others the way we’d like to be treated. So whether it’s at work or at play, make kindness the foundation of your communications & you’ll be fundamentally better off from the get-go. With kindness at the core of what you stand for, people will be more willing to trust you, as well as be keen to work with you & for you. They’ll also be open to saying ‘Yes’ more often or pointing you in the right direction when they can when you have to lean on them for help. Remember timing, too. When asking for someone’s time, be sure it’s a good time for them. Great communication is two-way & no one is ever a success on their own. Not one single person. Asking for help at the right time is a skill that comes with maturity & experience. Asking nicely is the key to getting the answers you’re either looking for or need.
  4. Listen more
    We’ve all heard the old saying about we humans having two ears & one mouth, & using them in proportion. I think listening goes beyond this though. How often are we now distracted by our phones? The sugar-rush of a Facebook notification or a tag on Instagram pulls us out of the here-and-now more often than it should. I’ll be the first to put my hand up as a guilty party to being drawn into the endless chasm that is the interwebs at my fingertips. I have to consciously put my phone away & turn off notifications when traveling. And, I’m so glad that I do this!  Listening, truly & deeply, quite often means that you need to make time & space to concentrate on one person, one idea, one conversation at a time. Investing this kind of attention is almost foreign these days. But, it’s so important to creating long-lasting, deep relationships. People often only skim the surface when getting to know their colleagues or friends outside of work – but I spend more time than not listening. I am keen to know what makes a person tick. What drives their passion. What makes them feel their best self. When you take the time to know someone, they’ll often take the same time to invest in you. That’s what deep listening is all about. It’s not just closing the big sale, getting the creative idea over the line, or selling in a business strategy – it’s about humanity. It’s about trust. It’s about genuine joy in spending time with others.
  5. Take breaks 
    Sprinters don’t sprint 24/7/365. Their hearts, lungs, legs, & brains wouldn’t last if they did. Instead, they practice then rest. They perform then rest. And on, and on, and on… Just like sprinters, those of us working in corporate or non-corporate environments that’re “always on” need to rest, too. One thing that absolutely grinds my gears is when someone catches me in the middle of another project & asks me to be “creative” or “innovative” or do something transcendental on the spot. Erm, that’s not how it works. My secret sauce of creating great strategic & creative work is rest. Quite often it’s not when I’m mired down in briefs & paperwork that my best ideas come, rather it’s when I put them down & go for a run or walk outdoors. When my mind is rested & my body is working, I’m able to come up with much more holistic & creative ideas than when put on the spot. Beyond resting for the sake of problem solving, there’s also the necessity in taking breaks with the simple end goal of not burning out being high on the Life Priority List. Just as I feel with physical fitness, it’s easier to stay in-shape mentally through a balanced approach to life, than it is to burn out & have to get in shape all over again. The moral of the ‘take breaks’ story? Be like Nike, Just Do It. Every ounce of your being will thank you.
  6. Don’t waste your energy on negative shit storms
    Negative shit storms are powerful bringers of crappy outcomes, feelings & interactions. Like tornadoes of temerity, they pull in most things in their path & deliver only negativity. When I see a negative shit storm on the horizon, I head in the opposite direction. There’s just not enough time in the day, or f*cks left to give in my life to want to borrow someone else’s problems or wear their failures.  If you’re finding yourself in the eye of a proverbial storm, get out. Life’s short. Too short. And, if you spend your time on pushing peas of displeasure around a plate, you’re not going to find happiness, success, or pleasure in your life. If you’re keen to prioritize positivitiy & happiness do this: think about who the most positive influences are on your life or your professional journey, & spend as much time as possible on & with these bringers of awesome. For the ones you see as harbingers of yuckiness, kick them to the curb. You’ve got complete control over how, where, & who you spend your precious time with. Choose wisely.
  7. Do the scary stuff
    This is hard. Scary stuff is just that – scary. And as humans, we’re most comfortable when we’re in a state of being comfortable. Stepping outside of our comfort zones is terrifying most of the time. Especially as we grow up, get older, & fail more & more. This year I’ve learned to love failure. To embrace growth, education, & uncertainty as building blocks of my best version of me. In the last year, I’ve made some BIG decisions. I’ve lost friends. I’ve grown in leaps & bounds personally & professionally. And, I’ve had those pre-show jitters each time I needed to make a hard decision, walk away from something that wasn’t right for me, or step up onto a bigger stage than I’d ever imagined. If you don’t to the scary stuff, you’ll never grow. My best approach for jumping-in-headlong is simple: test the depth of the water, then jump in over your head. You know how to swim. Even if you sink a little bit, you’ll be back up for air in no time.
  8. Focus on your passions
    This may sound simple, but it’s not. Quite often we put off the things that fill our soul the most for ‘responsibilities’. And, in doing so, don’t fill our souls. This year I’ve spent more time doing what I love. Writing, testing storytelling platforms (vlogs happened!), playing the piano, singing silly songs with my daughter, making plans for the future… so many things! When I look back, I’m fairly chuffed with how much I got done from a passion-project perspective. Lots of people ask how I ‘fit everything in’ to a day, week, or month… and my answer is simple: focus. I think most of us with our fingers on so many pulses are actually doing ourselves a disservice. Without focus, we lack a true course towards completing a project or being truly happy.  Turn off your phone. Silence your email notifications. Go back to what drives you to be your best self, & nurture that passion. I promise that focus will be the magic that drives creation & success if you tend to it like you would a garden.
  9. Give back
    Without ego & without expecting anything in return. Sometimes it seems like everyone wants a piece of me, of you, of all of us… & there’s not enough time to give back. As to the above, with focus, you can prioritize giving back into your life. Whether it’s simply taking an extra five minutes to help a colleague with a particularly curly situation, donating your time to a community organization, or dropping a gold coin or two into a bucket as you pass by – giving back is the best way I know to feel more useful to other people. I feel very blessed to be where I am, so if there’s anything I can do to lift another up, I will. Give back. Often. I’m glad I made doing so a priority this year – & am committed to doing the same again next year.
  10. Do more
    I know this seems in direct contradiction to the above piece where I said we should all take more breaks or risk burning out. So, hear me out. What I mean by ‘do more’ is this: do more of the things that make you feel. Feel good. Feel worthy. Feel helpful. Feel strong. Feel confident. Feel happy. This year, I decided I’d read more, wander more, talk more, listen more, rest more. I also listen to my body more – rest when I’m sick, run fast when I’m healthy. And, my do-more attitude has meant I’ve lived more. Memories are the currency I hold most highly in this world, & by doing more I’ve made so many more memories. I’ll be doing more in 2018, too. Here’s to what’s to come!

So, there you have it.

Ten things that’ve really stuck with me this year. Next year, I’m planning on accomplishing a lot. I’m set on dedicating more time, energy, & attention span to my loved ones & my passion projects. And, I reckon I’ll try to sit down near the ocean every single day to simply think, feel small, & be thankful for breathing in salty air.

To you & yours, I wish you the best end of 2017. Have fun, get silly, & be safe. Keep dreaming. Keep living. And, above all else, search for the good in your days. I promise you this – a positive attitude is the most powerful tool you’ll ever have in defining & achieving successes in life.

A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who’s been supportive, kind, helpful, & loving this year. My heart & soul thank you for your time, energy, & love.

2017, you’ve been a cracker of a trip around the sun. I reckon there’s a cold brewski with my name on it calling out to be sipped… see y’all on the interwebs.

Cass

venicebeach cassie

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Why It’s Important To Be A ‘Challenger’ At Work

I’m stuck.

And I’m hoping you can help me out with a little modern-day conundrum.

Here’s the deal:
I don’t get the narrative we’re sold about how we should all live our lives.

Wait, let me rephrase, I do get it. I probably understand it far too well – and it’s messing with my head a bit recently.

You know the narrative I’m referring to. It’s the one that’s been built upon thousands of years of tradition, religion, and accepted inequality.

We’re told what we should do. We’re told what right and wrong are. And, for the most part, the great majority of people in our beautiful world buy into the whole shebang.

We’re not born sheep. But we’re taught to act like them more and more as we grow older.

What’s the deal with Keeping Up With the Joneses? Why are so many people obsessed with ‘stuff’ – so much so that they spend the majority of their lives in traffic or in offices to obtain the stuff they rarely use because they’re so time poor?

When did we all forget to just take in a sunset, or to find joy in time spent with family? When did the ideal of ‘busyness’ creep into our lives as a marker of success?  When will we, as a collective, go back to a pursuit of happiness and kindness over cold, hard cashola?

I’m not sure how to answer the questions above.

We all go about our days, weeks, months and years fairly similarly. All the while, we duck and weave that little tug inside of our heads and hearts, all to keep enlightenment and deep thought at bay.

It’s as if we live so fast and hard that we fear slowing down. We’d rather keep up the pace of facade than face our most genuine selves – just in case we realize we’re not sheep.

In most western societies, we start our journey to ‘success’ by going to school. At school we’re taught that we must sit still when we’re told to, run and play on a schedule, obey, learn by rote, and ‘repeat after me.’

We do what we’re told and get a lovely little pat on the head.

For following the rules, we’re given gold stars. Sticky sweet-fixes that hard wire our baby brains to tell our adult brains that we should conform to imposed standards instead of adapt while we learn.

We (especially us girls) aren’t supposed to ask questions, be curious, or speak out (especially not out of turn.) Lord forbid any of us ever questioned why we did what we did, or why we learned what we learned.

We just went with the norm. Didn’t make waves. We have always been told not to make waves, haven’t we? We’re just here to play the game by the rules someone else wrote. We’re not to change the rules (or even attempt to re-write them completely).

Nope. We’re here to just accept the world as it is. Inequalities dripping from the underbelly of unbreakable glass ceilings.

We’re told to repeat the mantras and learn the jargon.

Success is not measured by kindness or joy brought to others, but rather in quantifiable numbers on bank ledgers and the logo we wear on our clothing.

After school we’re supposed to find a ‘nice boy’, settle down, buy a house, have some babies to raise, and quietly delight in cooking meals for our brood.

Afterwards, doing the laundry, juggling a corporate career, and trying to find time for inner-peace as well. All the while striving to make it to the pinnacle of our human existence: retirement.

Grey haired. Porch sitting. Rocking chair knitting. A grandchild bouncing on each knee. Yep… those are supposed to be our best years.

While this scenario might be a dream for many, it’s a nightmare for me.

At this precise moment in time, as I sit here tippity-typing away on my MacBook (such a cliche) raging against the rules by which I’ve been told to live.

Before you ask, yes, I’m acutely aware of the ultimate irony of my life to date.

That irony being that I’ve followed the Path-of-Good-Educated-Girl-Who-Does-What-She-Should to a T. I’d get an A++ in the school of life for following the rules.

Yep, the path I’ve walked down has always been that of least resistance. Which isn’t a bad thing. I’ve just always been one to choose my battles while weighing all of the odds and thinking of the longterm.

Why choose the road to Normalville?

I did it because I thought that path was supposed to be my ticket to happiness. And, it was for a good long time. I also didn’t want to let my family and friends down.

In trying to live up to the ideals of others, I took a while to find myself.

For a long time, I was right on track to live the same, cookie-cutter life as most of us who were raised in the pre-Facebook, Zack Morris, Xennial times of rainbows and butterflies and sun-drenched sappy love songs.

Gag. Someone change the channel, will ya?

Every day I’m rufflin’ (feathers, that is)

How have I ruffled feathers? Simple. I’ve asked questions. Lots of them. Of myself and of others. Mostly to learn, to evolve, to innovate – and ultimately to grow as a person.

What I’ve found super intriguing is that asking questions causes people to stop and think. Sometimes abruptly. And, most people don’t like doing that. It’s uncomfortable.

Stopping to really evaluate a situation or choice makes most people feel uncertain – in themselves and in the world around them.

It makes them think about their own life choices. And, makes them remember that they have the ability to chose. Nothing is pre-determined.

Basically, asking questions causes most people to step outside of the comfortable narrative they’re buying into.

Me? I’m getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I’m recently divorced and am onto my second marriage. I don’t fit any stereotypes anymore – though I used to fit them all. That spectrum people talk about? I skate up and down it on the daily.

I’m simply, unapologetically me. And, I’m happy in my skin for the first time in a very long time.

I’m also a better parent, partner, colleague, and friend for it.

Sitting here on the cusp of what I hope will be an epiphany (and not a pre-midlife crisis), I’m questioning everything.

My home, my car, my bank account, my hair colour, my clothes, my plan, my purpose.

Why question everything? Because I’ve seen the Challengers. They’re brazen and brave. I’ve even toyed around with the notion of being one without committing to it whole-heartedly.

It’s that one-toe-in, one-toe-out approach that’s the worse! You’ve tasted true freedom of choice, but then teeter back to normalcy.

I’ve seen the spark in their eyes, these Challengers. I’ve breathed in the passion in their souls, and felt the burning heat from the fire in their smiles.

I’ve pontificated late into the evenings and gone of on otherworldly tangents – learning all the while – with these oddballs who poo-poo societal norms.

I’m ready to be a Challenger.

I’m ready to commit to Otherness. Outsiderhood.

I want to be someone who exudes individuality. Someone who lives for the pleasure of living. And, someone who works and toils endlessly the betterment of others.

I want to spend time with people I love. Earn money to live, not live to earn money (this is an old hippy chestnut of a saying, but is a goodie I cling to.)

And, most importantly, I want to be genuinely passionate about asking questions. I want to hear other peoples’ stories and forge my own path. Write my own narrative. Be happy without the confines of normality.

What are your thoughts on bucking the trends?

Why must we all follow similar, already forged paths when there are potentially better/different/alternative ways to get from one place to another?

Here’s to questioning, challenging…

…and to being The Challengers.

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Slowing Down to Speed Up: Top Tips For Playing the ‘Professional Long Game’

I caught one heck of a flu bug this time two weeks ago.

You know the kind: a truly knock-down, stay-down kind of virus that had me crawling on my hands & knees to get from my bed to the couch where I would collapse & whimper entire days away.

To say this bug was a zinger would be the understatement of the year. I was felled & absolutely miserable. Usually active at work, at home, in the community – I had to stop. Not slow down. Not bring things down a notch. STOP.

Like running headlong into a brick wall, I was left with a wicked headache from the blunt force & found myself splayed out on the floor – unable to move, forced to concentrate on simply breathing & healing.

Simple, basic survival became seemingly complex. And, at times, mustering enough strength to sip some water drained me completely. I was so sick that I couldn’t even rage at silly people on Facebook who misdiagnosed me with a common-cold instead of a mountain-of-a-virus-that-would-crush-any-man-flu-known-to-humanity.

Gah! I can be a wimp at times, but this was the real deal.

If there’s anything I am, it’s constantly in motion.

Being so ill, I couldn’t do anything. Literally. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Definitely couldn’t do anything I’d typically class as ‘productive.’ Which meant I wasn’t just unwell, I was also frustrated to the point of tears.

Most days I’m up before the dawn (between 3am – 5am). I read, write, gym, & plan for the day ahead. I find I’m most productive early on as I greet each new day. Plus, sorting through things early in the morning leaves time for the ‘meeting culture’ of modern corporate world where there seems to be little time for actual ‘doing’ in between all of the planning for the doing (there’s an entirely different post on meeting cultures coming!)

So, being home for a week without being able to muster the energy to do anything other than get better, was a wake-up call that I needed heading into a busy summer season ahead.

For the first two days of groaning on the couch, I tried to will myself well enough to do something. Laundry? It needed doing. Writing? Blank pages weren’t going to fill themselves. Work emails? They were calling my name. Wedding planning? Only a month to go, Cass… do something!

But I couldn’t. I played mental war with myself. Judged my own ability to heal quicker that I was. Talked myself into at least trying to do something. But, nope. Body says “STOP!”

So I did. I stopped. And, it was awesome. Oh hindsight, you’re a funny & illuminating gift. In stopping for a week to heal & in slowing down for the next two weeks – allowing myself to truly physically get better’ – I’ve been able to recharge & become more efficient with my time at work & at home.

I concentrate on specific tasks more readily, & I listen to my body more. When I’m tired, I slow right on down instead of pushing myself past the point of exhaustion.

I honestly think that the universe had something bigger in mind in choosing to give our household this gross virus. What was that something? I reckon it was learning a well needed lesson.

What did I learn? Mostly, I learned to quiet my own inner-voice of self doubt.

The world didn’t stop just because I did. Funny that. So, in the spirit of sharing life lessons & wisdom, below are some ways that I’ve found help me to embrace a slow-down (self-imposed, or otherwise).

Cracking the corporate world (or life in general) isn’t about burning out or burning up… it’s about those sprints & rest periods. Both are as essential to success as the other.

Slowing down to speed up? That’s the ticket!

  1. It’s okay to feel weird when you slow down

    Slowing down is weird for a lot of us – for so many reasons. We’re taught that, to be successful in corporate environments, we must always be busy. Busy in meetings. Busy with reports. Busy looking back. Busy forward-planning. I call this our collective ‘Glorification of Busy’ & have made an earnest effort to not use the word ‘busy’ when people ask me how I am. So it’s only natural that, when we are forced to slow down or stop, we feel somehow not worthy enough. Not productive. Not at the top of our game (which, if you’re ill – you’re not meant to be! You’re meant to be resting.) I think we need to start spending more time slowing down on purpose. We need to get comfortable with bucking the trend & shake off our collective burden of busyness. I personally am much more efficient, engaged, & creative at work when I slow down & take time out to think, create, & prepare. Even the fittest sprinters on earth can’t sprint all of the time – they perform in magical bursts of amazing athleticism, & then rest & recover. We need to work this into corporate life, too. Here’s an idea: let’s all feel weird together more often & revel in slowing down so that we can really hit the ground running when we need to.

  2. You don’t have to fill every moment – let every moment fill you

    I know, I know. Talk about a syrupy-sweet bullet point. That said, I believe in this so very much. We get caught up in so many moments of stress, & tiny detail, & workplace politics that we forget to stop, look up, & really appreciate the amazing people around us. If you’re like me & head away from home each day to spend most of your waking hours in an office building, then you’ll know what it’s like to be thrust into a goldfish bowl of strangers from different ponds – suddenly working towards a shared objective or common goal by rights of working for the same organisation. So often we get lost in our own little moments by trying to fill them up, that we forget to look up, take a deep breath, and simply enjoy the presence & unique expertise of our colleagues. My personal brand at work is one I’ve chosen with my eyes wide open – I believe in heartcounts,  not headcounts. I believe we’re all in this together, & because of that, should treat each other with kindness, respect, & allow ourselves to be vulnerable, genuine, & have fun while we’re at it. Filling moments isn’t key to success in life & work – allowing moments to fill you is. Finding joy in the mundane. Celebrating wins with gratitude. And slowing down to get to know each other & build trust are fundamental to balance.

  3. Enjoy the small details (dew drops on blades of grass, laughter of colleagues, hugs from family & friends)

    I love getting lost in a moment & really honing in on the beauty of small details that, all added together, paint the bigger picture of the world we’re all living in. As a mother, I’ve been able to watch the joy of discovery for so many ‘firsts’ on my daughter’s face – and her joy has consistently reminded me to look for awe in the minutia of our daily routines. Some of my fondest memories of work over the past 15yrs have been when colleagues and I have fallen to the floor in fits of laughter – exhausted from project work, but in it together & therefore able to enjoy time together literally ROFLing. On the weekends I desperately search out time to spend walking outdoors. There’s absolute magic in how the colors of the leaves on tress don’t change at all, but then seemingly do so all at once. Slowing down can simply be reveling in a long hug with a bestie, or complimenting a colleague. Little moments of awareness make up a life fully lived.

  4. Read actual books (tactile)

    Yep. The kind with pages & no instant notifications (AKA distractions.) I’ve always loved reading, but have drifted towards e-books over the past wee while. I can’t tell you how amazing having a physical book in my hands – & making the time to read it uninterrupted – is. Sometimes I can only steal away 15 minutes or so, but even a little bite of the bigger pie in a world of being time-poor is a sweet-fix for the mind & soul. I’ll also bring my books along to the gym & read them whilst on the elliptical or stationary bike. Books are magical portals into other worlds, realities, thought-patterns, & emotions. If you’re keen to slow down more & still do something, my advice is turn off your device & pick up a good book.

  5. Drive to the beach

    This is my absolute, go-to, zinger-of-a-remedy when I know I’m burning out. Going a million miles a minute isn’t something you can do forever. It’s also not something  that most people do at the beach. But, deep thinking, meditation, & getting lost in daydreams is. There’s something soothing in the rhythm of the waves that slows the body & soul at once. Sand underfoot, salty air being breathed in. It’s like a big ‘ol RESET button for busy urbanites. I love how powerful & grounding it is to feel small next to the ocean. When problems & worries add up & feel bigger than Ben Hur, sitting on the shoreline helps me feel tiny & reminds me that the stresses & problem of now aren’t as big as we all think. Sitting next to a living, breathing entity that is ruled by the pull of the moon is a salve for even the weariest hearts. When a re-set is needed, find your place.

So, there you have it! Some tried-and-true advice on slowing down in order to speed up. We all have to feel as though our proverbial cups are full – full of passion, purpose, love, energy – and when they start to drain, it’s up to all of us individually to take the time (and the responsibility) to slowly refill & refuel.

Resist the urge to glorify the state of busyness. Spend time on slowing down.

~ Cass

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Welcoming Disappointment

Being an adult (a happy one) is a many faceted thing. Happiness being an individual construct, we all get there on our own time, taking our own roads, and learning different lessons along the way that help us distill the good-stuff into such a potent potion that all we’re left with is appreciation.

One of the biggest moments of clarity in the realm of being at peace and finding happiness part of my life came when I realized that everyone’s a little bit messed up. And I mean, everyone. The people you love, the people you don’t. And even the people you most look up to. And it’s this imperfect perfection that binds us all together in empathy and confusion.

Being at peace with the messed-uppedness of the world around us is liberating. Truly. When you’re able to accept that disappointment & futile attempts at understanding the intentions of the universe might either break you or make you – then you’re well on your way to finding firm footing in a world always in flux.

I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that everyone’s imperfect from a very young age. It was almost as if, as a child of summer and heatwaves, I had a super-powered empathy switch that let me see other children and adults as beings who were searching for something they’d never achieve. Was it perfection they longed for? I think it was. In their quests to become as close to perfect as they could, they stumbled. Often. And, each stumble or misstep broke them. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes they were just a little bit broken. So, while many couldn’t see them, I clearly saw the cracks in their facades in eyes that didn’t dance while lips tried to mislead us with false smiles on rosy cheeks. Both the light and the darkness pushed and pulled in a tug-o-war of shadows across strained, stressed out faces.

They were trying to hide disappointment. Disappointment. Gah! It shatters people – I’ve seen it. I’ve been it. And, over time, I’ve learned to quickly move on from it.

I decided a long time ago, before Pinterest and pithy internet quotes, to not just forgive others for their fucked up states or for disappointing themselves/me/each other. But, to forgive myself first. We carry so much in this world already – why carry guilt, anger, stress, or negativity? Those things are so laden with solitude. With sadness. With bone crushing exhaustion. I instead carry curiosity, forgiveness, and understanding. As cliche as it sounds, we all do get to choose how to act and react to life. To moments. To sadness and joy. This isn’t to say that I never grapple with frustration, soul crushing despair, and other negative feelings. I do. I just accept these feelings. I stop where I am, acknowledge them. Work through why I’m feeling them. And then drop them. I will not carry them – not for long.

Many times in life, recognizing when to close a chapter versus when to keep putting pen to paper will be the difference between being happy – and not. My advice is simple: let go of what you cannot change. Hang onto the people who make you feel invincible and silly. And, forgive yourself quickly – even if you’ve fucked up royally. Beauty is all around in the random, unchangeable, and irreverent ways of the world. All of my heroes have feet of clay.

I know this much is true.

Below is a video I shot recently on the very topic of Disappointment. Have a watch, share it if you like. And, remember to go easy on yourself.

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Growing Older, Wildly

I need to start off by saying that this is a second attempt at writing on this topic. Previous to this iteration, I had eight-thousand fabulous/inspirational/hilarious/perfectly woven together words filling a blank page. So smug at FINALLY writing something of merit (or so I thought), my blog sputtered, spun-out, & died on me.  Hoping against hope that a draft had been saved (it hadn't), I'm now left with four words on a mostly blank page and a belly-full of regret. C'mon Cass, you know to hit 'save' often. GAH!

With all of this said, please note, that this second attempt might be as good as the first, or simply okay. It might also turn out to be complete crap. You decide. Writing is my favorite indulgence and salve at present, so I'll try again. And, this time, hit save more often as we go along.

Right, here we go…

Last weekend was my birthday. For someone who doesn't really 'do' birthdays (my own), I had a full 48 hours of spoiling, treats, selfish indulgence, and friend-and-family-filled frivolity  that was truly magical. There were lots of laughs, frozen cocktails, and moments of introspection amongst the din of celebration.

At one point, mid-meal in a fave little cafe in Ponsonby, I looked around the table filled to the brim with my beloveds. My favorites. My soul-people. And, I took it all in. The sights, sounds, tastes, and slight cocktail-buzz of the moment filled my gooey heart to bursting-point. And, I hate to admit this, I cried. Happy tears.

You see, we all blaze our own paths in life. And, mine's been a trip – that's for sure. From a young age, I've always done what's best for the people I care for. I've toed imaginary lines drawn in the sand of societal propriety while calmly placing my own desires and wants to one side to ensure the happiness, growth, and fulfillment of those around me. I've always grown 'older and wiser' with each year that passes – but not this year.

This year has been a time to find my feet. To walk, crawl, run, stumble, jump, and skip as far as I can… even if my feet have had to go backwards or sideways to eventually end up moving me forward.

Getting all introspective, I've decided that my next trip around the sun will not be about my feet anymore (at size 11, they're big enough, thank you!), it'll be about finding my wings and growing older wildly. This change in the way I take myself into each new day has been a long time coming.

I've spent a lot of time coming to terms with me. Learning to not just like who I've become over the years – but to love who I am now, and who I will be. All awkwardness, fear, hesitation, and bold brazenness that I am, I will accept and wildly put out into the universe with hopes of connection, laughter, and growth.

With so many lessons under my belt over these past 36 years, I've got a few tips/life hacks to share with you if you're looking at ways to genuinely get super comfy in your own skin (and I mean wearing-life-like-a-fluffy-smurf-onesie-comfy.) A lot of what I've learned is fairly cliche/common sense. But, like most things, it's easier to understand HOW to do something, than it is to actually get moving on DOING the thing.

When you start DOING, you open yourself up to failure and hurt. And, the journey to accept and share your imperfections will be a tough one at times. Shining brighter in a beam of vulnerability is, in my mind, better than staying locked up behind a mask of intrusive perfection. I hope you get something out of the below – and maybe even the above – and if you've got your own life lessons for growing older wildly, please let me know what they are!

Be your best you.
How wishy-washy does this sound? Seriously. But, it's true. There are times when we all have to actively try (super hard) to quiet our own inner-voice. You know the one. It's tinged with self-doubt and criticism and will only ever pull you down. But you need building up! To start moving forward, you need to be your best version of you, while accepting imperfections are just part of being human. Whether it's finding time in a day to meditate, looking at yourself in the mirror and finding something you love about your look each morning, or simply maintaining physical fitness – just do something positive for you. Guilt-free. No interruptions. Just know that you're on the road to happiness when you're comfortable being unapologetically you.
 

  • Apologize & forgive.
    Team, it seems so simple, but it's not. The easiest way to be free of guilt/anger/regret is to own your mistakes . We all fuck things up. We all make mistakes – most of the time, unintentionally. Putting ego and pride aside is hard. Really hard. But once you start to simply say "I'm sorry." (and mean it) you'll find your relationships become stronger, your foundation of support unmovable. In the same vein as apologizing, comes forgiveness. When someone else owns their mistakes, remember how you'd like to have your words of contrition received – and receive theirs in kind. We're all fighting our own battles. Forgive, let go, say you're sorry… and live happier for it.

 

  • Accept praise readily.
    This has been something a lot of us struggle with, accepting praise. From childhood, I've had to consciously tell myself to just say "Thank you." when someone says something nice to me or about me. The truth of the matter is that, more often than not, when someone praises or compliments me – I feel the need to belittle myself and my achievements in an effort to dampen them down, to seem less braggadocious. Where did this ugly habit creep into my world? At what age or juncture in our personal journeys do we learn that accepting praise can only happen if we ensure we shine – but not too brightly. I'm not sure of when or how, but one thing I am certain of is this: it's taken a while to poo-poo this approach to accepting and being thankful for praise. I am unrepentant in my ability to accept praise gracefully these days. Older, wilder, and thankful for kind words and gestures of others.

 

  • F*ck the critics.
    Obviously, not literally. As far as life strategies go, learning to silence the doubters, dickheads, and critics is a imperative to being comfortable and confident in your own being. It's also the hardest strategy to master, because it means not only silencing the opinions of others – but silencing your own inner-voice of doubt. In the past few years, my life has been turned upside-down, shaken, and then (still in disarray) placed neatly back right-side-up again. With all of the topsy-turviness of life, I've learned to quiet the opinions of people who don't bring growth, kindness, or positivity to my life. It's almost as simple as throwing a switch and deciding not to give a damn about someone's opinion of me. And, once you find that 'off' switch, it's just so much easier to just place everything that doesn't grow you in a Fuck-it bucket and move on. Critics? Who are they anyhow…

 

  • Wear what you want.
    Seriously. I'll keep this short and sweet. Wear what makes you feel good. Because, when you feel good you can take on just about anything.

  • Change constantly.
    Change is the best part about getting older. Call it evolution, growth, finding yourself… whatever you name it, it's change. And, it's beautiful. How boring would it be to live life without seeing/doing/experiencing something new? Beauty is in the small moments, the big KAHUNA about-faces, and in the cracks that let light and color into dark times. Don't fear the only consistent thing in life, learn to embrace it. And, love it. It's completely okay and normal to be afraid of upsetting the rhythm of life when you just start getting comfortable with routine. It's also completely okay to wait for the roller coaster to hit the pinnacle of the highest drop and throw your arms up and head back… taking in the force of free-falling with rapture and intrigue. No matter where you are in your journey, be all there. And, change it up a bit. If even just for giggles.

There you have it. A few life lessons as told by someone whose opinion is no more important than the next person in line. 36 trips around the sun have taught me to look at life as a joyous, sometimes sorrowful, journey. A precious gift to unpack, enjoy, and to dive into headfirst. Here's to growing older wildly. And loving every hedonistic, gentle, catastrophically amazing moment of it.

 

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Where do you go when the universe is too heavy to carry?

Where do you go when the universe is too heavy to carry? Some people head to the mountains, to the bottom of a bottle, or search out a dark desert road to see the stars.

Me? I go the ocean.

Without fail, when I feel like the world around me, or inside of me, is on the verge of crumbling – my heart (& feet) lead me to the sea.

I go there to feel alive.

As alive as anything could ever be, without questioning why we’re all here in the first place. No inner-voice. No inner-critic. Just the world, the universe, this moment – and life. We get so busy with trying to balance the needs of others with our own inherent needs. And, often, we forget to give ourselves the space and time needed to simply feel. To simply be alive. To be human. The ocean reminds me to slow down – almost to stillness. Even with a seaside din around me, silence becomes a constant, mind clearning, companion by the sea.

I go there to feel small.

As small as a single drop of water dancing, uncontrolled, through waves and white water. The water transfers the taste of salt from invisible sea-spray on my lips. And, the sting of sunlight on my face is intensified. When I feel small, my problems – even the gargantuan ones – feel tiny. Palatable. Less palpable. When you stand beside a heaving piece of the universe, one that always has been and always will be bigger, bolder, and more brash than you or any human on earth, happiness becomes imminent and present. And, I find, so do I.

I go there to listen to the Earth.

Can you hear it breathing? In and out. Out and in. In and out and in again. Birds, people, wind, water, the shore… all crashing together in a beautiful ballet of sonorous sensation. Harmonious chaos. Perfection. With eyes closed, I’m able to drift away to different times – those gone, and hopeful ones ahead. I can also hear echoes of people past. Their lessons come back to me and echo in my mind. Why give into stress, hurry, worry, and the modern glorification of ‘busy?’ By the ocean, it all falls away. All of it. There’s no busyness or fear of deadlines pushing you under the waves. If you’ve got a board underneath you, you ride the waves as if you’re a part of the actual fabric of the earth. When you listen without interruption, you’re able to take every whisper and laugh in and hold it close to you.

It’s been a rough week. But here, by the ocean, my soul feels light again. Toes in the water, I’m simply here. The sea heals. It forgets. And, it shoulders the weight we oftentimes can’t.

So, where do you go when the universe is too heavy to carry? Some people head to the mountains, to the bottom of a bottle, or search out a dark desert road to see the stars.

I go to the ocean.

Keppel Island Sunset

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The Art Of Giving (Without Burning Out)

Don’t grow up, it’s a trap!

I have an old, worn, favourite t-shirt with these words emblazoned across the front of it in block letters that, even after many years, defiantly stand out. Black on white. Loud, and slightly faded. When I bought this shirt, on a blisteringly hot summer’s day near the ocean in Manhattan Beach, California – I believed the sentiment.

After wearing the shirt 1,000 times, I live the sentiment. Growing up, or what the world tells us growing up entails, is a pretty raw deal a lot of the time. Adulthood quite often means we become a dulled down version of the bright-eyed, curious children we once were.

So, wearing my favourite faded tee, I’ve been doing some thinking. A lot of it, actually. I’ve been building in time to dive into my own psyche. To get back to the introspective, old soul that I am & always have been. And, in exploring the dusty, often-times closed off parts of my mind, I’ve come to a conclusion about myself.

I’ve actually come to a lot of conclusions – but one in particular stands out.

My best and worst qualities are one and the same.

Huh? This is sounding interesting – & even a little bit weird. The BEST & WORST of me are one & the same?

Yep. They are. Gnarly, right? When I think about my self-exploration, my WHY becomes clear. Simply put: I am a giver. I give 110% of myself to projects. I give my time (almost 100% of it) to friends, family, colleagues, community organisations, schools, sports, ad infinitum…

Why do I know that giving is the attribute which drives me to do everything I do in life? Easy. My proverbial batteries get a huge amount of charge from being able to help others. I buzz out doing simple tasks like setting up chairs & lending a hand (literally) when people need it. I also am filled with a sense of pride in teaching others – in seeing them work hard to become their own truest versions of themselves.

In the same way that giving charges my batteries, it can also drain them very quickly if I don’t keep myself in a constant state of check. When I get into a habit of saying “Yes! Of course!” all of the time, I end up stretched. I end up exhausted. And, I end up feeling adrift – without a North Star as it were.

Let’s talk about Giving.

Giving…
Of my time.
Of my possessions.
Of my empathy.
Of my money.
Of my expertise.
Of my trust in others.
Of my positive brain space.

I give it all away. All of it. But only to a point…

Because, while giving is truly far better than receiving, I can promise you one thing: if you spend all of your time and energy giving to others without taking a break to recharge or realign your own priorities – you’ll burn out. You’ll fall out. And you’ll want to break out of the reality you’re currently living in. Fast.

There’s a balancing game in the life of a born ‘giver.’ A kind of internal checking system of self-care when deciphering the wants and desires of others – and then trying to align them to your own morals, obligations, and dreams.

Balancing the wants and desires of others is typically a big job. A big, draining, complex, ongoing, rewarding, fulfilling, scary, and mine-field laden job. Especially when giving to others extends beyond family, friends, social causes, hobbies, and colleagues…and  wades into the deep waters of (SHOCK! HORROR!) giving even more of yourself to people you may not know at all.

Know the signs of giving-fatigue, & heed them

In fact, in a world where most people are looking out for Numero Uno, being a rare unicorn of collaboration and caring nature is mostly… well, exhausting. Fall-down-flat-on-your-face-once-you-cross-the-safe-threshold-of-home exhausting. And yep, I’m tired. But, tired in a beautiful way.

Hear me out… because I’m not complaining here. Nope, the opposite is at play. I love the exhausted state of giving and pushing beyond apathy and the glorification of busy to do just that little bit more to make someone else’s journey better. What can I say? While I’m no glutton for punishment (actually, I am sometimes.) To quote rock legend John Cougar Mellencamp giving simply ‘Hurts So Good’.

I think there’s something magical about giving – in all of its forms – particularly when you see just how much small moments of attention can mean in the greater story of a person’s life.

The spicy secret-sauce keeping me going at work, at home, and beyond are those moments. Magical milliseconds when someone’s eyes light up and I see true kindness and appreciation returned to me in an unspoken gesture of thanks over a shared experience. That’s the happy-tickle that gets me excited to wake up every day and head out into the wide world with a quirky little skip in my step, and a literal twinkle in my eye. We’re honestly all in this together.

And, let’s get real here folks: there are so many more people in this world who give much, much, much more than I could ever dream of. They’re the people that realize giving others their time and effort is a gift. They are also the ones who actually see everyone. Head up, looking everyone in the eyes. They’re my heroes.

They’re sometimes unsung, and other times chirp loudly a beautiful tune to get others on board to help a cause. But, what they all have in common is a desire to do better for our shared journey while we’re all here on this spinning rock not all too far from the sun.

We’re all in this together, & none of us are getting out of here alive

And how cool is that? Realizing that we’re all in it together. Coming to that point of realization takes some people longer to understand than others – but once you know it’s a fact, you live your life differently.

More wholly.
More happily.
More openly.
More truthfully.

So, while I might give more than I should sometimes to people who may not ever appreciate the time or effort exerted on them… that’s okay. I’ll keep doing it (and, when I need to, I’ll find a quiet place to recharge.)

Why?

Simply, because I can.

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DoubleShot – On Early Mornings & Gym Junkies 

This morning I got out of bed at 2:45am. Yep, by choice. (Again.)

Beating my 3am alarm by 15 minutes & cursing the fates for being born a true early bird, I opened a squinty right eye. The left followed begrudgingly. Blinking, I gave my gorgeous fiancee a sleepy smooch and then staggered to the guest room. Donning the gym clothes I’d set out the night before, I feel really good for getting this far! In my head I still hear my high school basketball coach saying “Proper preparation prevents poor performance!” Well coach, the 5P’s stuck.  And now, instead of leading us to a High school basketball Championship, they help to ensure I’m slightly less likely to bail on pre-dawn exercise. Thanks for the inspo – all these sleepy years later!

Out the door I head – into a warm, sticky, buzzy summer’s morning, momentarily serenaded by a few notes of a Tui’s summer song from the tree above, and a handful of quiet hopes for the day ahead. I won’t make mention of the buzzy mosquitoes (ruh roh, just did!) that quietly snuck into my car for the ride to the gym.

Quite often, I spend the two hours between waking up early and the onset of dawn in blissful solitude (loud gym solitude!) while injecting my bloodstream with a well-needed dose of endorphins. I treasure these moments. Seemingly stolen, and always spent with a clear mind open to creativity, consultation, and competition.

Along with the buzz of moving my body, early morning sweat-sessions also to help balance my mind. Being awake while everyone else snoozes means I’m able to undulge in some of my favorite pastimes – the ones that fall by the wayside when you work long hours and are a Momma, too. While gymming, I read a lot of news, industry trends, interesting facts, and really just binge on chewing-gum-for-the-brain, snackable pop-culture memes, droll tweets, and addictive YouTube silliness. I find I am more inspired to to write more often when I have time to simply ingest content and think on it.

Ah, 3am. Bliss.

Bliss?

Honestly, I’d love to be someone who enjoys leisurely, lazy, languid sleep-ins past 7am (yes, even on weekends). Heck, the thought of snoozing until noon, curled up under a soft duvet with my beloved, sounds heavenly. But, reality being what it is (ahem, real) means that I’m up and at ’em each day before most people. And, while the reaction I tend to get when people find out my wake-up time tends to be “ARE YOU CRAZY???” I can honestly say: Nope. I’m not.

You see, there’s a gorgeousness to stillness. And silence. And the last remaining remnants of the night before as it morphs into a new day. Not to sound like too much of a hippy, but I really do think there’s magic in watching the world wake up – and in finding a rhythm between myself as an individual, and the universe as a whole. Quite often I do my best work first thing in the morning. Fresh mind, slightly caffeinated, and completely at peace. My goal is to greet most days with vigor and grace. All of this happening before the stress, hurry, hustle, bustle and pace of the day sometimes has me forgetting the beauty in being still and quiet… or, in moving the body while thinking.

I know a lot of people that fill their batteries at the other end of the day. Folks who like to stay awake until 3am. People with eyes that sparkle well into the wee small hours (mine drag!) It’s almost as if there’s an unspoken handing over of a torch when you put a night-owl next to an early-bird. And, I think it’s fairly fabulous that we, as humans, are so diverse not only in our thinking and beliefs, but in our body clocks and natural states of stasis.

So, what’s the point, Cass? The point is this: Yay for us early-birds! And, yay for the night owls. No matter when you greet the day or put it to bed, fill your batteries. Keep your engines fueled. Move your body. Get inspired on your own clock – no one else’s! Do what you need to do, when you need to do it, to stay balanced. Even if balance means 3am workouts and super snoozy evenings that sometimes call for a sugar-free Red Bull or two.

Fuel your best! Embrace your weird. Be thankful for understanding fiancees/partners/roomies when you’re up super-early. And, celebrate the “ARE YOU CRAZY!?” comments when they come. Because, normal is soooooooooooooooooooooo last decade.