Expert Tips For Surviving a Crisis Of Confidence

I have something to tell you.

Sit down, grab a cuppa, & buckle up.

This morning I woke up & wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. To simply find a dark place to hide away in.

Away from the world.
Away from pressures nipping at my heels & responsibilities I’ve signed up for.
Away from my own internal narrative of self-doubt.

But I couldn’t hide. Or rather, I refused to.

Because while getting out of bed was tough, I knew that I needed to move – my mind, my body, my goal-posts. I couldn’t stagnate. I couldn’t let self-limiting chatter in my mind make limitations a theme for the day.

We’re all our own worst critics.

We’re all so hard on ourselves. Why is that? Where does that little voice inside our heads that tells us we’re not good enough come from? When are we taught to second-guess our motives?

I don’t have all of the answers, but I do know that it’s important to acknowledge that we all have bad days. Some are worse than others. And, although they might not happen often, when they do, they can be all consuming.

It would be remiss of me (or any of us) to pretend that life is all about riding the highs. That each day is greeted by rainbows & butterflies with nary a dark rain cloud looming on the horizon.

But that’s what we do online, through social media, & through facades we don in professional settings isn’t it? We pretend everything’s okay, when it’s not. We wear masks & paint on smiles hoping no one else realises that our walls are cracking.

Ready to crumble.

When it comes to confidence & women, research has shown that there’s a big ‘ol gap that separates the sexes. While dudes surely have moments of insecurity & low self-esteem, the weight of these two emotional loads pull women back at much more alarming rates.

I digress though. Moving on, to why I’m writing this.

Climbing without falling isn’t a true representation of reality.

We’d all like to be happy all of the time right? Ride a dopamine wave around loop-de-loops & throw our hands in the air without a worry in the world.

But the roller coaster ride isn’t all fun & rush-inducing. Nope, life is fast, slow, up, down & everything in between. It’s a wild ride. A broken, yet beautiful, journey that we all travel.

So, here I am. Tippity-typing my innermost thoughts. Before you ask, yes, I’m slightly afraid to share them. Shedding light on anything other than a perfectly crafted veneer is uncomfortable for most of us.

But, fear not, I have great news!

Moments of darkness, confusion, & sagging self-belief aren’t all bad. In fact, it’s taken many a crisis of confidence, in my life to build me into the *mostly* consistently confident person that I am today.

Keep on truckin’, Team!

All of those quotes about ‘fall down seven times, stand up eight…’ resonate with us because they are rooted deeply in the fallible nature of humanity.

And, seeing that we’re all humans, understanding that we’re inherently flawed is a good thing to learn ear.y.

Like all of us, crisis moments are all unique. No two moments of self-doubt or crisis are the same. They can be as quick as a flash-in-the pan or last days (or weeks or longer) depending on the situation.

And as cliche as it is to say this, the deeper the impact, the higher I’ve risen afterwards.

By using lows as starting points for growth, I’ve learned to ride the rough waves towards a sunny shoreline. And, I’ve taken time out over the course of my professional career & in my personal life to hone skills in utilising techniques around positive self-talk.

No more limitations. No more negative trolls between my ears.

Over the years, the following four tips are the ones I come back to time & time again to get me out of bed, out of a rut, & back into a positive frame of self-reference.

I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me. Sometimes the simplest things (perspective, conversation & context) are the most helpful weapons we have to fight self-doubt.

1. Take a deep breath
Breathing is what keeps us here. It’s what grounds us. It’s what moves us forward. Being able to control your breathing means you control your body. When your body is settled – then you can take care of your mind. Taking a deep breath also means pausing & evaluating your current situation. You’re allowed to cry. And I big, ugly, feel-it-in-your-soul crying. But once you’ve done that, take a deep breath. Then another. And then, find a way to be calm. Sit with yourself & allow yourself the time & space you need to move onto tip number two.

Which is…

2. Talk to someone you trust
Oftentimes I try to solve my problems without letting anyone else in on them. Why? I’m not really sure. But, I think it’s probably got something to do with appearing weak, imperfect, & not enough for others to want to be around me. My goal in life is to spread goodness, not to be a drag on others. So, for a long time, I’ve hidden away things that bother me or that cause me to doubt myself. Talking to someone, be it a friend, family member, or therapist is a good thing. Most of the time other people want to be there for you. If someone reacts badly to your truth, find someone else to talk to. Find someone who wants to help. I promise, you’ll be amazed at the level of love & support you’ll get by opening up in your own, genuine way.

That then leads us to…

3. Make a plan
Making a plan doesn’t have to be onerous & time consuming. It also doesn’t have to be a forever-plan. Making a plan can be as simple as getting up & getting dressed – & from there, going for a walk or writing down your thoughts. The important aspect of planning is that you’re focussing on moving forward, not looking back. You don’t have to solve your problems all in one foul-swoop. But you can start to tackle little pieces of problems in a way that gives you hope, belief, & purpose. Not all big moments stem from big plans. Start small. Do what you can with what you’ve got – & move forward at the pace you can move at in the moment.

From there, it’s time to….

4. Celebrate the small stuff
This is something I try to do as often as I can. Taking notice of, & then celebrating small milestones gives us a realistic way of approaching our days. Be it at work, at play, or in our pursuit of joy – practicing appreciation for moments that become building blocks is super important to creating a habit of positive self-belief in all of us. I don’t mean for this to sound trite, but I reckon if we all really celebrated each other & our little moments of victory more often, that our workplaces & homes would be filled with so much more love & our crisis of confidence days would be less and less. So remember, Team, celebrate yourself. Celebrate others. Celebrate more & more to be more & more!

Back to good.

Right, so those are the top four ways that I personally employ to get my head back in the right place – a place of positive self-talk, confidence boosting thoughts, & of forward movement.

Here’s hoping you’re having an amazing day. If not, take a deep breath… & then rock into a future of motion begetting motion. Success begetting success. And, a life of mostly confident self-love!

Thank you for reading. I appreciate your time & any feedback you may have.

Also, because I’m sucker for a good, pithy quote I’ve added some below. Enjoy!

Cassie Roma

The Case For Writing (And Investing In) Your Brand Story

What’s your story?

No, really. What is it?

Humour me for a minute – let’s try an exercise together.

I want you to think about how you might answer the above question. Try to formulate a storyboard in your mind about your story. While thinking through it, allow your mind to wander. Allow your biases, for just this exercise, to fall by the wayside for a brief moment in time.

This is your story. You get to write it.

First things first. Where would you start? Would it be at the beginning (birth), or would you choose a different beginning that’s not your literal ‘start?’ If you default to a starting point where work becomes a focus – you wouldn’t be the first. We so often live our lives in the context of meeting each other and asking ‘What do you do?’ Swapping corporate titles like social currency. Park the titles & the jobs. This is about your STORY. Start at your beginning…but make it about you. Not society.

From there, head into the gritty, gusty, beautiful middle of your narrative. How do you, in your own mind, segue from the beginning to the middle of your narrative? Was there a big shift in geography, in relationships, in maturity?

Think through the moments that you see as definitive to you & your journey.

You know the moments already. They’re at the front of your mind often. They are those moments that you look back on often, laugh about with people who knew you when, & even the ones that might cause your eyes to leak just a little bit – emotion still just beyond the surface.

Those are your personal narrrative building blocks. They offer depth, authenticity, growth, & change to occur. They are little pieces of stardust.

From your defining stories, it’s time to lead into a wrap-up of sorts. Your story, as yet unfinished, still needs to end somewhere. As humans, our minds need a finite lesson, or stopping point. But, your story continues.

Do you it end now, in front of your computer screen wit a pithy qupte? Or, do you pick a recent moment that allows you an open end?A hope, a dream, a goal.

However you chose to close your story – you’ve just created yourself another starting point. And therein lies the power of storytelling.

The power of storytelling in life & in business is the power of new beginnings.

For me, for you, for all of us – starting over & over again allows us so much beautiful space to fill empty pages of time to come. By going through the above exercise, you as an individual have a story now. A unique voice. A singular journey.

It can be shared, re-told by others, & written into cultural folklore even!

To ensure continual growth in business – whether as marketers, brand strategists, social media OGs, or CEO’s – you need to understand your brand’s story in-depth. Because when a brand stands for something authentic, human, & unique it’ll always rise faster than those businesses without stories.

Stories are currency, you can bank them & trade them.

I’m going to go WAY out on a ledge right now & say that stories are the most valuable asset to a company after people. People first, always. But, as a close second, stories are the secret sauce that spices up a brand’s offerings & products. As such, they should be just as heavily invested in.

The more people understand why they’re buying what they’re buying – the more likely they are to remain loyal to a brand. Why? Because magic happens when our personal narratives & brand narratives become intertwined. It’s very, very hard to untangle stories once they’ve been melded together. Thus, you create camps of people who then tell your story for you.

Me? I’m an Apple girl. A lifelong Nike gym junkie. Someone who buys Coke over Pepsi. Someday I’ll own a Ford truck. When I shop, I take time to notice my biases. I physically stop myself from defaulting to my favourites… and often wonder what it is in the back of my mind that causes me to reach for one brand over another.

In every instance, I can follow my choices back to stories.

Unpacking memories, it’s the happy tickles at the back of my lizard brain that cause me to truly become invested in a brand. That part of my brain simply acts & reacts based on past experience. I can remember Nike ads from the early 80’s (I was a toddler!), & still am able to sing almost every jingle for breakfast cereals written in the USA from 1985-1999. I remember the Say ‘No’ To Drugs campaign with frying pans & smashed eggs as clear as day…

Stories. All of these marketing campaigns, in all of their channels and iterations, are based on stories. On human truths. On simple, succinct messages.

The moral of this blog’s story? Invest in your story. Invest the time, the emotion, & the cash.

Write it, live it, share it.

We can’t believe in things we don’t understand or know. Once you’ve invested in your story, your customers will invest in your story… and then tell it for you. Whether at the dinner table, whether by wearing your logo on their feet/shirt/jeans, whether through social media channels… advocates will share stories for you. This is how brands grow.

Fill that funnel, team! Tell stories. As for me, I’m a lucky one. Happily a dreamer, an author, & a believer in good when it comes to telling stories. In the world where I spend a lot of time, the world of brand marketing, I’ve been absolutely blessed to meet some amazing people. Yarn-spinners so prolific that they have me eating from their palms & yearning to be as magical as they are with words, pauses, imagery & beyond.

Crafting stories for brands is my favourite form of beautiful, creative geekery

Recently I had the opportunity to chat with such a wizard of woven narrative, the amazing Park Howell. Radiating kindness, creativity, purpose, & vision – Park & I hit it off from the word go. We talked about storytelling journeys, heroes that helped shape our own passions for becoming storytellers ourselves…and prolific lyrics from the Brown Dirt Cowboy himself, Bernie Taupin.

If you’re keen to learn more about how to find your own narrative, & if you’re up for a rollicking ride on the rollercoaster of passionate storytelling for brands to really super-charge growth & return, click here. I’m positive you’ll enjoy this podcast that Park & I did together.

The #KindnessRevolution starts here, with all of us.

 

Walking A Tightrope: Braving The Unknown

Here’s the thing about young, handsome Argentinian lifeguards on beaches… they’re very convincing.

VERY.
CONVINCING.

Maybe it’s was his accent, my broken Español, or the casual way in which his eyes lit up when I said “Is that hard to do?” that I decided to go out on a limb yesterday. Literally.

(NOTE: my decision may have been swayed simply by the fact that I am competitive as f*ck, & a cute kid decided to go before me – I couldn’t wimp out & still be a semi-cool-Mom after that!)

Tightrope walking, I can assure you, is not for people afraid of falling. It’s also usually not something 36yr old mother’s who have never tightrope-walked before do at a public beach on a super windy day.

But, what the hey. My inner voice whispered seductively to me “New year, same me… let’s do this, Cass. You wanted to adventure more. You wanted to make memories & try new things. Here’s your first shot at it. And, you’re only three feet above the ground.”

Damn you, seductive inner voice. As awkward as you are, you sure are convincing. Potentially just as convincing as our new, tanned friend from Argentina. So, with a little gust of wind catching me up the backside & along the path towards the tightrope (as well as a healthy cheering on from my beloved & my bestest pal) – I kicked off my jandals & climbed a tree trunk (not very high) to the springy, stringy thing I would soon be walking – or falling – across.

Lucky for me, mi amigo nuevo, saw I was nervous & gave me his hand. Though he was there to steady me as I took my first VERY uncertain first step, he also talked me through where my line of site should be, how to relax & unravel the tension in the rope through my balance, & showed me how to have fun while completely terrified.

Anyone who knows me well, knows I used to be terrified of heights. Strangely, over the years, I’ve gotten much better with heights – but walking that uneven & unsteady rubber-band was pretty nerve wracking for me.

I may have only been three feet above Terra Firma, but it just as easily could’ve been 30 or 300 feet as far as I was concerned in the moment!

Making it all the way across, I learned a few things in the minute I spent without my feet firmly planted on the ground.

Mostly, I learned these key lessons:

  1. Be courageous
    This is seriously not as easy as it sounds. Most of us like to think that we’re daring… at least a little bit. But, in practice, I personally end up turning down opportunities to try new things for fear of what others – and even my own inner-voice – might think. I consistently tell my daughter that she can’t be good at everything. You have to start somewhere, and somewhere is usually right at the beginning. No one starts off as a master. Masters were always once beginners. So, while I might end up sounding like a $.50 fortune cookie, I reckon we should all start at the beginning. Without fear. Without judgement. But, more so, with hope, joy & a sense of adventure. Courage is contagious – pass it on.
  2. Don’t Look Down
    As my Argentinean friend told me as I started walking from one tree to another “Look only ahead, not down, not to the side.” This really resonated with me in the moment – and resonates even more now thinking back on his words. We oftentimes spend so much time looking in a direction other than that in which we’re heading that we lose sight of our end destination. Even with strong winds whipping at your back, or with wobbly footing, if you look ahead & focus on what you’re hoping to achieve – your chance of getting there inherently grows by leaps & bounds. I always tell my teams at work that, as a manager, it’s my job to provide a ‘North Star’ for them to steer towards. It’s their job to get there – whether it be swinging across Orion’s Belt or sliding through the big dipper. Keep your eyes up. Move with intent.
  3. Have fun falling
    This is something I’ve grown to embrace & love over the past few years. Falling, itself, is fun. It’s the landing, if you’re not prepared for it, or it comes too soon, that hurts the most. It’s taken time, but I’ve started to not just face my fear of falling (and, failing) but to embrace it with my eyes wide open. Most probably squealing all the way to the bottom where a soft landing (or slight thunk) awaits. Falling, like flying is all part of the journey. If you embrace each moment, you’ll find fun just around every corner.

 

So, there you have it. A small moment. But, big lessons. Here’s to more travelling South Americans on Auckland beaches this summer, helping us all face our fears – while reminding us, there’s no shame in having a helping hand to steady us while we learn.

Gracias, amigo mio. Que te vayas bien.

 

Tightrope walking!
Tightrope walking!

My Top 10 For 2018: Resolutions, Predictions & Trends

It had to happen team. You know me, a sucker for a good ‘ol listicle or resolution post. I mean, would I really be worth my weight in blogger/vlogger salty-sweetness if a New Year occurred & I didn’t post something about fresh starts & looking ahead?

Grab yourself a cuppa, settle in for about five minutes (if you’re a skim-reader, it’ll only take you 2 minutes) & enjoy my take on the year ahead.

Also, if you’re just not having a bar of this ‘reading-stuff’ this year (I mean, reading? It’s so 1500AD), GOOD NEWS! I also made a video about this exact topic which I’ll also add to the bottom of this.

Have a look & if you like the video, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. There will be more vlogs in the coming months. Some, not all, will include gin & hijinks. All will include heart & soul.

And, there will surely be lots of hand movement. #handtalker

As always, your respectful comments are always welcome!
Good discourse lives here…

  1. Concentrate on Health
    This is an all-encompassing statement for me. Health being defined as liberally as you an imagine as that of mind, body & soul. I’ve let my gym routine slip a bit in 2017, which is a sure way to lead me to unbalance in all parts of my life. I’ve always been a gym-goer, moving my body relaxes my mind & allows me to think more creatively. So, there’ll be more moving of the creaky body (we’ve exercised 15 of the last 18 days, which is fab!) Mentally, I’ll be giving myself space & time to think deeply. To ask questions. To search out answers. By doing this, I grow. Sometimes fast, sometimes more slowly. But the growth is visible & my heart is happy. Health, welcome back to Casa Roma in 2018.
  2. Celebrate Small Successes
    This is something that we all should do. I think we get so caught up in big goals & big projects, that we forget to celebrate the smaller milestones along the way that lead to greater things. Being able to identify & celebrate moments that make our days brighter & better mean we’ll all be a bit happier & a go a lot easier on ourselves when we mess up. As our own worst critics, taking time to practice being our own biggest fans is a super-important habit to get into.
  3. Celebrate the Successes of Others
    As with the above, it’s imperative that we start celebrating the good in others more often. Be it a win at work, a new skill learned at home, or a simple compliment to a stranger on the street – celebrating others & their successes helps everyone feel better about themselves & their journeys. I’ve actually scheduled into my weekly calendar a time that’s set aside simply for sending JWD (job well done) emails to others. I can tell you, it feels great to make others feel good!
  4. There Is No Impossible
    Seriously? Yep, seriously. After watching ‘The Crown’ on Netflix over the past week, I’m all about Winnie. Churchill, that is. Always a sucker for a good, pithy quote, I’ve been reminded quite a lot recently that the only limitations we have are those that we set on ourselves. We are allowed to interpret everything that happens in our lives in our own way. Therefore, failure isn’t failure. Failure is an opportunity to learn. And, as Winnie said “SUCCESS consists in staggering from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Me? I’m as enthusiastic as they come! #TallyHo
  5. Giving Back
    This one is as simple as it sounds. We all get caught up in our daily routines, & because of it, don’t spend as much time as we might like giving back. Small moments of joy in spending time with people in the community or in mentoring others fills my soul to the brim. This year I’ve put into motion dedicating more time to giving back. As Co-chair of the Auckland Pride board, I’ll be able to work more in the LGBTQ+ community. And, as a now elder-stateswoman of the social & digital media community in Australasia (I like to call myself OG to pretend I’m a little bit hip & with-it still!), I’m spending more time mentoring young marketers, storytellers, & social media influencers. Carving out time to give back is just as important as carving out time to ourselves. Both do fantastic jobs at making life more fulfilling in the longterm.
  6. Coffees + Cocktails
    I’ll be saying “Yes!” to both of these more often this year. In fact, in the first month back to work, I’ve already got quite a few catch-ups with old friends, new colleagues, & interesting people I’ve been meaning to see for yonks all lined up. The coffees & cocktails bit is simply to keep ye olde whistle whet while pontificating & lol-ing. I’m telling you, Team, thirty minute chats are sometimes the best chats you’ll ever have.
  7. Read More Novels
    I started reading more novels about entrepreneurs & conscious workplaces last year, & I’ve continued into 2018 doing the same. That whole ‘meaning to get around to reading…’ thing? Yeah, I’m getting around to it now. I find a lot of inspiration in knowing that other people out there have struggled to find their place, found it, & are making a life doing things they’re passionate about. Right now I’m reading Entrepreneurial You by a great author & speaker, Dorie Clark. I’ve also (FINALLY!) gotten around to reading the 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris. I’ve got a lovely line-up of books to jump into by Richard Branson, Kurt Vonnegut Jr. & more. Go on & get yourself some inspo in the form of novels. If you’re like me, you’ll be simultaneously thrilled & fired-up.   
  8. Pride, Yasssssssss
    Ah, Pride! Butterflies, rainbows & love winning the day. After years of raising up a small child, this Momma is ready to do more work with the LGBTQ+ community in New Zealand & beyond. Alongside friends, family, & my amazingly supportive wife, 2018 is shaping up to be quite the year for continuing our commitment to safety, voice, & equality in our rainbow communities. The Auckland Pride Festival kicks off on the 2nd of February & runs though to the 18th, & I’m so excited to be working with amazing people, brands & festival/parade directors to deliver such a diverse range of events & shows over this time. Love always wins. Always.
  9. Spending Time With Family
    This is a no-brainer. But, again, in a world hell-bent on glorifying ‘busyness for the sake of being busy’ we often don’t see a lot of each other as we run from home to work to school during the week. My little nuclear family here in NZ is my world. My wife & daughter are everything to me – so this year, finally, I’ve made a few decisions that will actually put them first when it comes to my time & attention. Firstly, I’ll be doing more drop-offs & pick-ups with my daughter. She’s off to intermediate/middle school this year, & I aim to help her ease into a new routine by being more consistent in my presence in her life before & after school. As for my marriage, we’re already really good with having time to ourselves for date nights, Netflix marathons, filming vlogs, adventuring… this year we’ll maintain the level of fun at home & then some. As for family abroad, I’m committing to heading home more this year. I need to spend time with my parents & cannot wait to welcome another niece into the world early next year. Spending time with the little ones is magical. I guess this means we’ll be seeing you soon, California & Detroit!
  10. Live a Life of Kindness
    This is my ethos, my driving reason for being, & the only way I can understand the world. Through a lens of kindness, everything becomes clearer. I’m not going to lie, there are times when other people act in ways which they shouldn’t, when they become heartless & angry. But, when you live a life of kindness, you see their pain. You recognise their ego, their fears. And, you empathise. It is kindness, not just shared genetics or culture, that binds us together. Together we’re stronger. Together we’re better. So kindness, as saccharine-sweet & cliche as it may be, is the only way to live.

If you’ve made it this far, YEE HAW! Thank you.

Click ‘play’ below & enjoy my first vlog of 2018.
Cheers & Happy New Year, team!

Happy Yule, Y’all!

It’s exactly 5:51am on Christmas morning & we’re all up & amping to rock into the day.

Kenny Chesney’s Xmas album is playing in the background. The birds are singing along.

Presents are begging to be opened underneath the tree & Santa’s left us a cookie or three to munch on.

Here’s wishing you & yours a magical holiday season – wherever you are, whomever you’re with, & whatever you believe in.

Cassie & The Roma Family

My Top 10 in 2017: Riding the Waves, Outlasting the Blues, & Finding the Silver Linings

Bandwagon post ahead, kinda.

Every year as we collectively rock into the Festive Season, I like to take stock of the year just gone by.  By slowing down & feeling grateful for new lessons-learned, big wins, ouchy losses, & everything in between I’m feeling rather introspective & reflective.

Why? Well, most likely because I’m getting older. 36 years on this planet has sure taught me the importance of thankfulness & sharing with others. And, a single trip around the sun seems as good a time as any to reflect on the past, embrace the present, & look ahead to what the next 365 sleeps might bring.

In the spirit of turning over another page in the proverbial book of my life, I’ve come up with a little list that I hope will give you, dear reader, a bit of hope, a few lolz, & (most importantly) rev you up for a new year.

2018, I can’t wait to meet you.

Top Ten Things I Learned This Year. 

  1. Sand, Pebbles, Boulders 
    After a particularly fraught day this year worrying about a friendship gone sour, a good friend gave me some good advice in the form of sand, pebbles, & boulders. “There are three kinds of people in life,” she told me  “& each one acts as either sand, a pebble, or a boulder. The sand signifies the folks who ebb in & then quickly flow from our lives. As the tides go high & then low, those who are sand move quickly from our attention. Next you’ve got the pebbles. With the tide, they stay a bit longer than the sand. But, not forever. Last, but certainly not least, you have the boulders. These are your ‘forever people.’ They’re the ones you know will always stand steadfast in your corner. Whether you’re in the same room as them, or 10,000 miles away – your boulders are the folks to spend the most time on.” Wise words, right? They were perfectly timed & acted as a salve to my worried heart. Lesson learned. Build your dreams on solid ground. Whatever the reason, lesson, or purpose for relationships that catch fire & then fizzle, the people that matter most are the ones you can hold onto no matter the surge of the sea.
  2. Chase your dreams 
    Seriously & literally – chase the things you want most. Grab your sneakers, lace up & sprint in the direction of your dreams. Hassle them, haunt them, & keep them consistently in your line of sight. If you can see the end goal, then the roads you take while running after them don’t matter as much. If I’ve learned anything this year about accomplishing long-term/Bucket List goals, it’s that motion begets motion. If you’re consistently moving in the direction of where you want to be, eventually you’ll get there. For me, I wanted to branch out.  To start speaking more. To start sharing with others the experience I’ve built over an entire adulthood of storytelling for brands. So, I went to the conferences I wanted to go to. I became friends with people who think deep, laugh loud, & do good. I started doing a lot more work in the community. I began mentoring others. I joined advisory boards. And… I took more time out to dance in the living room with my little family.  If you’re a list writer, write three things you’d like to accomplish in 2018, then start chasing your dreams. Remember to go easy on yourself, too. The uphill bits are a slog, but when you hit flat part of the journey & take time to enjoy successes you’ll find it’s all worth it. Promise.
  3. Ask nicely
    As my parents told me as a child, ‘Manners matter.’ And, they do. If you’re looking for leadership, assistance, insider-information, or simply someone’s time – ask them nicely. It’s commonsense that we should treat others the way we’d like to be treated. So whether it’s at work or at play, make kindness the foundation of your communications & you’ll be fundamentally better off from the get-go. With kindness at the core of what you stand for, people will be more willing to trust you, as well as be keen to work with you & for you. They’ll also be open to saying ‘Yes’ more often or pointing you in the right direction when they can when you have to lean on them for help. Remember timing, too. When asking for someone’s time, be sure it’s a good time for them. Great communication is two-way & no one is ever a success on their own. Not one single person. Asking for help at the right time is a skill that comes with maturity & experience. Asking nicely is the key to getting the answers you’re either looking for or need.
  4. Listen more
    We’ve all heard the old saying about we humans having two ears & one mouth, & using them in proportion. I think listening goes beyond this though. How often are we now distracted by our phones? The sugar-rush of a Facebook notification or a tag on Instagram pulls us out of the here-and-now more often than it should. I’ll be the first to put my hand up as a guilty party to being drawn into the endless chasm that is the interwebs at my fingertips. I have to consciously put my phone away & turn off notifications when traveling. And, I’m so glad that I do this!  Listening, truly & deeply, quite often means that you need to make time & space to concentrate on one person, one idea, one conversation at a time. Investing this kind of attention is almost foreign these days. But, it’s so important to creating long-lasting, deep relationships. People often only skim the surface when getting to know their colleagues or friends outside of work – but I spend more time than not listening. I am keen to know what makes a person tick. What drives their passion. What makes them feel their best self. When you take the time to know someone, they’ll often take the same time to invest in you. That’s what deep listening is all about. It’s not just closing the big sale, getting the creative idea over the line, or selling in a business strategy – it’s about humanity. It’s about trust. It’s about genuine joy in spending time with others.
  5. Take breaks 
    Sprinters don’t sprint 24/7/365. Their hearts, lungs, legs, & brains wouldn’t last if they did. Instead, they practice then rest. They perform then rest. And on, and on, and on… Just like sprinters, those of us working in corporate or non-corporate environments that’re “always on” need to rest, too. One thing that absolutely grinds my gears is when someone catches me in the middle of another project & asks me to be “creative” or “innovative” or do something transcendental on the spot. Erm, that’s not how it works. My secret sauce of creating great strategic & creative work is rest. Quite often it’s not when I’m mired down in briefs & paperwork that my best ideas come, rather it’s when I put them down & go for a run or walk outdoors. When my mind is rested & my body is working, I’m able to come up with much more holistic & creative ideas than when put on the spot. Beyond resting for the sake of problem solving, there’s also the necessity in taking breaks with the simple end goal of not burning out being high on the Life Priority List. Just as I feel with physical fitness, it’s easier to stay in-shape mentally through a balanced approach to life, than it is to burn out & have to get in shape all over again. The moral of the ‘take breaks’ story? Be like Nike, Just Do It. Every ounce of your being will thank you.
  6. Don’t waste your energy on negative shit storms
    Negative shit storms are powerful bringers of crappy outcomes, feelings & interactions. Like tornadoes of temerity, they pull in most things in their path & deliver only negativity. When I see a negative shit storm on the horizon, I head in the opposite direction. There’s just not enough time in the day, or f*cks left to give in my life to want to borrow someone else’s problems or wear their failures.  If you’re finding yourself in the eye of a proverbial storm, get out. Life’s short. Too short. And, if you spend your time on pushing peas of displeasure around a plate, you’re not going to find happiness, success, or pleasure in your life. If you’re keen to prioritize positivitiy & happiness do this: think about who the most positive influences are on your life or your professional journey, & spend as much time as possible on & with these bringers of awesome. For the ones you see as harbingers of yuckiness, kick them to the curb. You’ve got complete control over how, where, & who you spend your precious time with. Choose wisely.
  7. Do the scary stuff
    This is hard. Scary stuff is just that – scary. And as humans, we’re most comfortable when we’re in a state of being comfortable. Stepping outside of our comfort zones is terrifying most of the time. Especially as we grow up, get older, & fail more & more. This year I’ve learned to love failure. To embrace growth, education, & uncertainty as building blocks of my best version of me. In the last year, I’ve made some BIG decisions. I’ve lost friends. I’ve grown in leaps & bounds personally & professionally. And, I’ve had those pre-show jitters each time I needed to make a hard decision, walk away from something that wasn’t right for me, or step up onto a bigger stage than I’d ever imagined. If you don’t to the scary stuff, you’ll never grow. My best approach for jumping-in-headlong is simple: test the depth of the water, then jump in over your head. You know how to swim. Even if you sink a little bit, you’ll be back up for air in no time.
  8. Focus on your passions
    This may sound simple, but it’s not. Quite often we put off the things that fill our soul the most for ‘responsibilities’. And, in doing so, don’t fill our souls. This year I’ve spent more time doing what I love. Writing, testing storytelling platforms (vlogs happened!), playing the piano, singing silly songs with my daughter, making plans for the future… so many things! When I look back, I’m fairly chuffed with how much I got done from a passion-project perspective. Lots of people ask how I ‘fit everything in’ to a day, week, or month… and my answer is simple: focus. I think most of us with our fingers on so many pulses are actually doing ourselves a disservice. Without focus, we lack a true course towards completing a project or being truly happy.  Turn off your phone. Silence your email notifications. Go back to what drives you to be your best self, & nurture that passion. I promise that focus will be the magic that drives creation & success if you tend to it like you would a garden.
  9. Give back
    Without ego & without expecting anything in return. Sometimes it seems like everyone wants a piece of me, of you, of all of us… & there’s not enough time to give back. As to the above, with focus, you can prioritize giving back into your life. Whether it’s simply taking an extra five minutes to help a colleague with a particularly curly situation, donating your time to a community organization, or dropping a gold coin or two into a bucket as you pass by – giving back is the best way I know to feel more useful to other people. I feel very blessed to be where I am, so if there’s anything I can do to lift another up, I will. Give back. Often. I’m glad I made doing so a priority this year – & am committed to doing the same again next year.
  10. Do more
    I know this seems in direct contradiction to the above piece where I said we should all take more breaks or risk burning out. So, hear me out. What I mean by ‘do more’ is this: do more of the things that make you feel. Feel good. Feel worthy. Feel helpful. Feel strong. Feel confident. Feel happy. This year, I decided I’d read more, wander more, talk more, listen more, rest more. I also listen to my body more – rest when I’m sick, run fast when I’m healthy. And, my do-more attitude has meant I’ve lived more. Memories are the currency I hold most highly in this world, & by doing more I’ve made so many more memories. I’ll be doing more in 2018, too. Here’s to what’s to come!

So, there you have it.

Ten things that’ve really stuck with me this year. Next year, I’m planning on accomplishing a lot. I’m set on dedicating more time, energy, & attention span to my loved ones & my passion projects. And, I reckon I’ll try to sit down near the ocean every single day to simply think, feel small, & be thankful for breathing in salty air.

To you & yours, I wish you the best end of 2017. Have fun, get silly, & be safe. Keep dreaming. Keep living. And, above all else, search for the good in your days. I promise you this – a positive attitude is the most powerful tool you’ll ever have in defining & achieving successes in life.

A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who’s been supportive, kind, helpful, & loving this year. My heart & soul thank you for your time, energy, & love.

2017, you’ve been a cracker of a trip around the sun. I reckon there’s a cold brewski with my name on it calling out to be sipped… see y’all on the interwebs.

Cass

venicebeach cassie

Why It’s Important To Be A ‘Challenger’ At Work

I’m stuck.

And I’m hoping you can help me out with a little modern-day conundrum.

Here’s the deal:
I don’t get the narrative we’re sold about how we should all live our lives.

Wait, let me rephrase, I do get it. I probably understand it far too well – and it’s messing with my head a bit recently.

You know the narrative I’m referring to. It’s the one that’s been built upon thousands of years of tradition, religion, and accepted inequality.

We’re told what we should do. We’re told what right and wrong are. And, for the most part, the great majority of people in our beautiful world buy into the whole shebang.

We’re not born sheep. But we’re taught to act like them more and more as we grow older.

What’s the deal with Keeping Up With the Joneses? Why are so many people obsessed with ‘stuff’ – so much so that they spend the majority of their lives in traffic or in offices to obtain the stuff they rarely use because they’re so time poor?

When did we all forget to just take in a sunset, or to find joy in time spent with family? When did the ideal of ‘busyness’ creep into our lives as a marker of success?  When will we, as a collective, go back to a pursuit of happiness and kindness over cold, hard cashola?

I’m not sure how to answer the questions above.

We all go about our days, weeks, months and years fairly similarly. All the while, we duck and weave that little tug inside of our heads and hearts, all to keep enlightenment and deep thought at bay.

It’s as if we live so fast and hard that we fear slowing down. We’d rather keep up the pace of facade than face our most genuine selves – just in case we realize we’re not sheep.

In most western societies, we start our journey to ‘success’ by going to school. At school we’re taught that we must sit still when we’re told to, run and play on a schedule, obey, learn by rote, and ‘repeat after me.’

We do what we’re told and get a lovely little pat on the head.

For following the rules, we’re given gold stars. Sticky sweet-fixes that hard wire our baby brains to tell our adult brains that we should conform to imposed standards instead of adapt while we learn.

We (especially us girls) aren’t supposed to ask questions, be curious, or speak out (especially not out of turn.) Lord forbid any of us ever questioned why we did what we did, or why we learned what we learned.

We just went with the norm. Didn’t make waves. We have always been told not to make waves, haven’t we? We’re just here to play the game by the rules someone else wrote. We’re not to change the rules (or even attempt to re-write them completely).

Nope. We’re here to just accept the world as it is. Inequalities dripping from the underbelly of unbreakable glass ceilings.

We’re told to repeat the mantras and learn the jargon.

Success is not measured by kindness or joy brought to others, but rather in quantifiable numbers on bank ledgers and the logo we wear on our clothing.

After school we’re supposed to find a ‘nice boy’, settle down, buy a house, have some babies to raise, and quietly delight in cooking meals for our brood.

Afterwards, doing the laundry, juggling a corporate career, and trying to find time for inner-peace as well. All the while striving to make it to the pinnacle of our human existence: retirement.

Grey haired. Porch sitting. Rocking chair knitting. A grandchild bouncing on each knee. Yep… those are supposed to be our best years.

While this scenario might be a dream for many, it’s a nightmare for me.

At this precise moment in time, as I sit here tippity-typing away on my MacBook (such a cliche) raging against the rules by which I’ve been told to live.

Before you ask, yes, I’m acutely aware of the ultimate irony of my life to date.

That irony being that I’ve followed the Path-of-Good-Educated-Girl-Who-Does-What-She-Should to a T. I’d get an A++ in the school of life for following the rules.

Yep, the path I’ve walked down has always been that of least resistance. Which isn’t a bad thing. I’ve just always been one to choose my battles while weighing all of the odds and thinking of the longterm.

Why choose the road to Normalville?

I did it because I thought that path was supposed to be my ticket to happiness. And, it was for a good long time. I also didn’t want to let my family and friends down.

In trying to live up to the ideals of others, I took a while to find myself.

For a long time, I was right on track to live the same, cookie-cutter life as most of us who were raised in the pre-Facebook, Zack Morris, Xennial times of rainbows and butterflies and sun-drenched sappy love songs.

Gag. Someone change the channel, will ya?

Every day I’m rufflin’ (feathers, that is)

How have I ruffled feathers? Simple. I’ve asked questions. Lots of them. Of myself and of others. Mostly to learn, to evolve, to innovate – and ultimately to grow as a person.

What I’ve found super intriguing is that asking questions causes people to stop and think. Sometimes abruptly. And, most people don’t like doing that. It’s uncomfortable.

Stopping to really evaluate a situation or choice makes most people feel uncertain – in themselves and in the world around them.

It makes them think about their own life choices. And, makes them remember that they have the ability to chose. Nothing is pre-determined.

Basically, asking questions causes most people to step outside of the comfortable narrative they’re buying into.

Me? I’m getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I’m recently divorced and am onto my second marriage. I don’t fit any stereotypes anymore – though I used to fit them all. That spectrum people talk about? I skate up and down it on the daily.

I’m simply, unapologetically me. And, I’m happy in my skin for the first time in a very long time.

I’m also a better parent, partner, colleague, and friend for it.

Sitting here on the cusp of what I hope will be an epiphany (and not a pre-midlife crisis), I’m questioning everything.

My home, my car, my bank account, my hair colour, my clothes, my plan, my purpose.

Why question everything? Because I’ve seen the Challengers. They’re brazen and brave. I’ve even toyed around with the notion of being one without committing to it whole-heartedly.

It’s that one-toe-in, one-toe-out approach that’s the worse! You’ve tasted true freedom of choice, but then teeter back to normalcy.

I’ve seen the spark in their eyes, these Challengers. I’ve breathed in the passion in their souls, and felt the burning heat from the fire in their smiles.

I’ve pontificated late into the evenings and gone of on otherworldly tangents – learning all the while – with these oddballs who poo-poo societal norms.

I’m ready to be a Challenger.

I’m ready to commit to Otherness. Outsiderhood.

I want to be someone who exudes individuality. Someone who lives for the pleasure of living. And, someone who works and toils endlessly the betterment of others.

I want to spend time with people I love. Earn money to live, not live to earn money (this is an old hippy chestnut of a saying, but is a goodie I cling to.)

And, most importantly, I want to be genuinely passionate about asking questions. I want to hear other peoples’ stories and forge my own path. Write my own narrative. Be happy without the confines of normality.

What are your thoughts on bucking the trends?

Why must we all follow similar, already forged paths when there are potentially better/different/alternative ways to get from one place to another?

Here’s to questioning, challenging…

…and to being The Challengers.

Slowing Down to Speed Up: Top Tips For Playing the ‘Professional Long Game’

I caught one heck of a flu bug this time two weeks ago.

You know the kind: a truly knock-down, stay-down kind of virus that had me crawling on my hands & knees to get from my bed to the couch where I would collapse & whimper entire days away.

To say this bug was a zinger would be the understatement of the year. I was felled & absolutely miserable. Usually active at work, at home, in the community – I had to stop. Not slow down. Not bring things down a notch. STOP.

Like running headlong into a brick wall, I was left with a wicked headache from the blunt force & found myself splayed out on the floor – unable to move, forced to concentrate on simply breathing & healing.

Simple, basic survival became seemingly complex. And, at times, mustering enough strength to sip some water drained me completely. I was so sick that I couldn’t even rage at silly people on Facebook who misdiagnosed me with a common-cold instead of a mountain-of-a-virus-that-would-crush-any-man-flu-known-to-humanity.

Gah! I can be a wimp at times, but this was the real deal.

If there’s anything I am, it’s constantly in motion.

Being so ill, I couldn’t do anything. Literally. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Definitely couldn’t do anything I’d typically class as ‘productive.’ Which meant I wasn’t just unwell, I was also frustrated to the point of tears.

Most days I’m up before the dawn (between 3am – 5am). I read, write, gym, & plan for the day ahead. I find I’m most productive early on as I greet each new day. Plus, sorting through things early in the morning leaves time for the ‘meeting culture’ of modern corporate world where there seems to be little time for actual ‘doing’ in between all of the planning for the doing (there’s an entirely different post on meeting cultures coming!)

So, being home for a week without being able to muster the energy to do anything other than get better, was a wake-up call that I needed heading into a busy summer season ahead.

For the first two days of groaning on the couch, I tried to will myself well enough to do something. Laundry? It needed doing. Writing? Blank pages weren’t going to fill themselves. Work emails? They were calling my name. Wedding planning? Only a month to go, Cass… do something!

But I couldn’t. I played mental war with myself. Judged my own ability to heal quicker that I was. Talked myself into at least trying to do something. But, nope. Body says “STOP!”

So I did. I stopped. And, it was awesome. Oh hindsight, you’re a funny & illuminating gift. In stopping for a week to heal & in slowing down for the next two weeks – allowing myself to truly physically get better’ – I’ve been able to recharge & become more efficient with my time at work & at home.

I concentrate on specific tasks more readily, & I listen to my body more. When I’m tired, I slow right on down instead of pushing myself past the point of exhaustion.

I honestly think that the universe had something bigger in mind in choosing to give our household this gross virus. What was that something? I reckon it was learning a well needed lesson.

What did I learn? Mostly, I learned to quiet my own inner-voice of self doubt.

The world didn’t stop just because I did. Funny that. So, in the spirit of sharing life lessons & wisdom, below are some ways that I’ve found help me to embrace a slow-down (self-imposed, or otherwise).

Cracking the corporate world (or life in general) isn’t about burning out or burning up… it’s about those sprints & rest periods. Both are as essential to success as the other.

Slowing down to speed up? That’s the ticket!

  1. It’s okay to feel weird when you slow down

    Slowing down is weird for a lot of us – for so many reasons. We’re taught that, to be successful in corporate environments, we must always be busy. Busy in meetings. Busy with reports. Busy looking back. Busy forward-planning. I call this our collective ‘Glorification of Busy’ & have made an earnest effort to not use the word ‘busy’ when people ask me how I am. So it’s only natural that, when we are forced to slow down or stop, we feel somehow not worthy enough. Not productive. Not at the top of our game (which, if you’re ill – you’re not meant to be! You’re meant to be resting.) I think we need to start spending more time slowing down on purpose. We need to get comfortable with bucking the trend & shake off our collective burden of busyness. I personally am much more efficient, engaged, & creative at work when I slow down & take time out to think, create, & prepare. Even the fittest sprinters on earth can’t sprint all of the time – they perform in magical bursts of amazing athleticism, & then rest & recover. We need to work this into corporate life, too. Here’s an idea: let’s all feel weird together more often & revel in slowing down so that we can really hit the ground running when we need to.

  2. You don’t have to fill every moment – let every moment fill you

    I know, I know. Talk about a syrupy-sweet bullet point. That said, I believe in this so very much. We get caught up in so many moments of stress, & tiny detail, & workplace politics that we forget to stop, look up, & really appreciate the amazing people around us. If you’re like me & head away from home each day to spend most of your waking hours in an office building, then you’ll know what it’s like to be thrust into a goldfish bowl of strangers from different ponds – suddenly working towards a shared objective or common goal by rights of working for the same organisation. So often we get lost in our own little moments by trying to fill them up, that we forget to look up, take a deep breath, and simply enjoy the presence & unique expertise of our colleagues. My personal brand at work is one I’ve chosen with my eyes wide open – I believe in heartcounts,  not headcounts. I believe we’re all in this together, & because of that, should treat each other with kindness, respect, & allow ourselves to be vulnerable, genuine, & have fun while we’re at it. Filling moments isn’t key to success in life & work – allowing moments to fill you is. Finding joy in the mundane. Celebrating wins with gratitude. And slowing down to get to know each other & build trust are fundamental to balance.

  3. Enjoy the small details (dew drops on blades of grass, laughter of colleagues, hugs from family & friends)

    I love getting lost in a moment & really honing in on the beauty of small details that, all added together, paint the bigger picture of the world we’re all living in. As a mother, I’ve been able to watch the joy of discovery for so many ‘firsts’ on my daughter’s face – and her joy has consistently reminded me to look for awe in the minutia of our daily routines. Some of my fondest memories of work over the past 15yrs have been when colleagues and I have fallen to the floor in fits of laughter – exhausted from project work, but in it together & therefore able to enjoy time together literally ROFLing. On the weekends I desperately search out time to spend walking outdoors. There’s absolute magic in how the colors of the leaves on tress don’t change at all, but then seemingly do so all at once. Slowing down can simply be reveling in a long hug with a bestie, or complimenting a colleague. Little moments of awareness make up a life fully lived.

  4. Read actual books (tactile)

    Yep. The kind with pages & no instant notifications (AKA distractions.) I’ve always loved reading, but have drifted towards e-books over the past wee while. I can’t tell you how amazing having a physical book in my hands – & making the time to read it uninterrupted – is. Sometimes I can only steal away 15 minutes or so, but even a little bite of the bigger pie in a world of being time-poor is a sweet-fix for the mind & soul. I’ll also bring my books along to the gym & read them whilst on the elliptical or stationary bike. Books are magical portals into other worlds, realities, thought-patterns, & emotions. If you’re keen to slow down more & still do something, my advice is turn off your device & pick up a good book.

  5. Drive to the beach

    This is my absolute, go-to, zinger-of-a-remedy when I know I’m burning out. Going a million miles a minute isn’t something you can do forever. It’s also not something  that most people do at the beach. But, deep thinking, meditation, & getting lost in daydreams is. There’s something soothing in the rhythm of the waves that slows the body & soul at once. Sand underfoot, salty air being breathed in. It’s like a big ‘ol RESET button for busy urbanites. I love how powerful & grounding it is to feel small next to the ocean. When problems & worries add up & feel bigger than Ben Hur, sitting on the shoreline helps me feel tiny & reminds me that the stresses & problem of now aren’t as big as we all think. Sitting next to a living, breathing entity that is ruled by the pull of the moon is a salve for even the weariest hearts. When a re-set is needed, find your place.

So, there you have it! Some tried-and-true advice on slowing down in order to speed up. We all have to feel as though our proverbial cups are full – full of passion, purpose, love, energy – and when they start to drain, it’s up to all of us individually to take the time (and the responsibility) to slowly refill & refuel.

Resist the urge to glorify the state of busyness. Spend time on slowing down.

~ Cass

VidCon Australia: Defining Influence & Working With Influencers

When I flew to Anaheim last June, I wasn’t simply escaping a cold, wet, dreary start to winter in Auckland. I was on the hunt for sun, surf, summertime…and, something else entirely. Exactly what that ‘something’ was, I hadn’t a clue – but I knew I’d know it when I saw it.

I knew a few things. I knew that the something I was searching for wasn’t as tangible as a cold cocktail in my hand whilst sitting on Santa Monica Beach. Though, when I look back now, there are definite transcendental qualities inherent in beachside cocktails. But I digress…

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When I got to California, I wanted something awe-inspiring. Something surprising. Something enlightening, even.

Is that too much to ask? You see, I’ve been living in New Zealand now for nigh on 15 years, and while I absolutely love my chosen homeland, I sure do miss the diversity & sheer size of home. California stands fairly sturdily on a foundation of desert-heartiness & beachside industriousness. It drips in cool-factor, geekiness, and social awareness. It’s a home to most, a religion to many, and a dreamy fantasy to a chosen few who go through life with rose coloured glasses always on. California, to me, is interwoven into the fabric of my soul. My body and aura react to my home state – a native child grown near the sea.

It was California’s all-encompassing bigness that taught me from early on that I could dream and do anything – as big or as small as I wanted to. But I would have to work hard for what I desired. I’d have to learn to take the hard-knocks with the soft, salty smooches.

Growing up in San Diego was an absolute trip, though. We played lots of sports, studied a lot & spent every stolen moment we could at the beach. But, beyond the sunshine, butterflies, beaches & tanned bodies of adolescence, there was always something in me that yearned for more. Never happy with the somethings in front of me. As to the above – I needed something. More.

Though, I should be clear here from the outset: I didn’t ever need more stuff.

Stuff has never appealed to me – and I don’t think it ever will. I didn’t need more money. I didn’t need more praise. What I needed was more of life. I needed more small moments of joy. I needed more opinions that didn’t quite jive with mine. I needed to discover more. See more. Learn more. Experience more. Be more. And so it was that through this quest for moreness, I developed a very strong sense of curiosity. And, because of this sense of exploration, I’ve been able to consistently see the world through different lenses & experiences.

In fact, it was the curiosity for discovering more that led me to New Zealand in the first place.

And now all these years later, that same curiosity is what keeps leading me back home.

img_5979-1Over the past decade, I’ve been very lucky to attend some amazing world conferences & gatherings that’ve changed who I am. Even in small increments, I’ve begun a huge pivot toward a more fulfilled life. A life of value derived from helping others and telling stories. I’ve also rubbed shoulders with some of the most amazing storytelling minds on the planet, & in doing so gleaned as much knowledge as I possibly could over the course of a workshop, an hour-long session, or a cocktail (the cocktail lessons tend to be the best for gleaning!).

So it was one of the greatest pleasures of my professional and personal life, to have been able to experience VidCon in Anaheim this year from an industry/professional standpoint. If you don’t know what VidCon is, simply put, it’s one of the biggest most inclusive events on the planet. It is a celebration of differences, technology & ideas. It’s also the place to be to watch a beautiful coming-together of different communities and fandoms. For a professional storytelling-social media-strategist-OG, VidCon brought together creative tips & tricks, channel executions, marketing strategies, trends, algorithms, and talk around the morality of modern media.

Geez Louise, I ran around like a nerdy kid in an awkward adult candy store for the entirety of the event! Three jam packed, fun filled, and awe inspiring days turned me into a major VidCon fangirl in California. I met so many amazing people, learned a lot about the media industry vertical that I work in, and found that thing I was looking for all along: my spark.

At a huge convention center filled with 36,000 people, I remembered exactly who I was and what made me tick.

Storytelling. People. Inclusion. And, passion for what we do professionally and personally. Talk about finding ‘something’ in exactly the place you weren’t looking! Magic!

I should also mention that, whilst at VidCon, I realised how much of an important part geography plays in the kind of content we consume. We really do tend towards common, comfortable stories that reflect our cultures, countries, and social groups. Many of the featured creators, while HUGE in the USA, were & still are fairly unheard of here in New Zealand. So, yay for VidCon, I found some new fave creators.

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Fast forward four months from VidCon in Anaheim, and here comes another opportunity to find something else.

VidCon Australia, the inaugural event, was happening…and there was no way I was going to miss it! In fact, after getting to know some of the people from for the industry track, I was beyond stoked not only attend the event in Australia, but to be asked to speak on adapting global storytelling trends to local markets. Talk about excitement!

Taking place in my favorite Australian city, my fiancé and I flew from Auckland to Melbourne on a Thursday night – and we stayed through Monday afternoon.

I was literally so excited that the mood of our trip was nothing short of celebratory.

We splashed out & stayed at a fairly swanky hotel (which always helps set the scene for a good time) and woke up early Friday morning to explore the city a bit.

We wandered down Degraves Lane for our ceremonial avocado on toast breakfast – washed down with the most amazing coffee on the planet. After breakfast we headed to AC/DC Lane and took in all of the beautiful colors and portraits on the graffiti-laden walls there. From there, we spent some time in the National Gallery of Victoria looking through amazing exhibits and getting all cultured – n stuff. All of this before lunch!

At about noon we headed to the Melbourne convention center to check in to VidCon. I was an absolute ball of excitement and nervous energy. Luckily my friend Jim (who I met in LA) was heading up the industry track in Australia, so I knew there would be at least one familiar face in Aus for this conference.

Check in was super easy, and the staff and volunteers were gorgeously friendly. Even before the actual convention started (it took place over the weekend) everybody seemed amped for fun times ahead. And, let me tell you, fun times were had!

Saturday was wickedly fabulous. Like LA, but smaller in scale, VidCon Australia packed a fun-factor punch.

I, of course, was early. If there’s anything I’ve ever been in my life – it’s early. For work, for school, for parties, for planes. Early is my bag, baby! The great thing about being the first person to places is that you see things magically come to life. Empty spaces are transformed into thriving events & memorable moments in time. And I love to watch magic unfold.

Most of the day Saturday, I spent up on the Industry Track floor learning all that I could from the speakers, and networking with friends both new and old from across the world.  Every now and again I’d hop down to the Creator Track or the Community Track events to take in some of the pure rocket-fuel energy of fandom that comes dripping from VidCon. The day flew by, literally. And we closed with drinks and networking with others from the Industry Track – all of us well excited and exhausted in equal, beautiful parts.

Sunday was a big day. Day Two always is!

I really enjoyed digging into all of the tracks on Sunday – running around the convention centre like an over-hyped dici-geek on a cotton candy and pure coca-cola drip. My talk was at the end of the day, and, to be honest – I wasn’t sure anyone (save for my fiancee & New Zealand crew) would turn up. Sunday evening is usually when I’m in my Smurfette Onesie watching Harry Potter with my family. Anyone who came to hear me waffle on would be a wee legend in my book.

Luckily, people showed up! And, kept showing up during my 45 minutes of fun & sharing. On a personal level, I was able to really enjoy the moment & take it in. I laughed with the crowd in the room (who knew Betty White dabbing could be such a crowd-pleaser?), answered some great questions & have been in touch with most of the folks who were present in one way or another since. That’s the beauty of attending things like Vidcon Australia, you meet all kinds of people who will be in your life in some way or another from that point on. Some you’ll throw ideas around with, some you’ll help out with a challenge (or they’ll help you), and some you simply meet for a coffee and to spin yarns with.

Talk about a gift, right? Memories, people, & stories to keep for a lifetime. Yep, sign me up for more.

img_0539After VidCon finished up (soon after my session on Sunday afternoon), we celebrated in style by hitting up an amazing restaurant in the central city, Cookie. My fiancee, my buddy Jim & I sat chatting, re-hashing the three days just gone by, and drinking amazing red wine & cocktails. We lol’d, we pontificated, and we ended the night at a rooftop bar nearby with yummy Australia red wine.

Beautiful times with beautiful souls – that’s what I’ll take away from VidCon Australia. After Cookie & our rooftop tipple, we bid adieu to Jim with warnings of Drop Bears nearer to the coast (he was headed off adventuring, while we Kiwis had to head back to NZ for work on Monday.)

All in all, the first VidCon Australia was an experience of a lifetime – not just for me, but for a lot of people.

I think it was quite a gift to see the conference in its first year, the heaving throngs of fans and creators that are in Anaheim will be on the horizon. But for 2017, I can honestly say that I loved it all. The people, the vibes, the fandoms, the city and learning. It all added up to an amazing event that I can’t wait to return to in 2018.

The best part? Just as I had found in Anaheim in June, I found so many somethings I never expected in Melbourne.

And, if you need more convincing, here are my TOP FIVE REASONS to head to VIDCON MELBOURNE in 2018:

  • Location, Location, Location

    Melbourne is an amazing city. For art, culture, food, wine, sports, music… you name it. I’ve been to Melbs so many times for both work and play, and still cannot wait to get back. The Convention Centre in Melbourne is perfectly placed for an event like VidCon – it’s in walking distance to the central city, scarily near to an amazing shopping complex, and literally steps from great restaurants that sit right on the water (perfect for sunset-gazing.)

  • Access

    The access you get to amazing global speakers and content that’s world-class is second to none from an Industry perspective especially. I didn’t spend a lot of time on the Creator & Community floors in Melbourne, but I’m sure those tracks were superb as well. The secret sauce to VidCon Melbourne is literally access. Whether it was the ABC, Instagram, or Influencer agency leads – access to information was off the charts. And, right now, the conference is in growth mode, which means that this is the time to get in and listen/talk/network/geek out with world thought leaders on a more personal level.

  • Networking

    The networking is strong with this one. No, really. It is. Some of the most magical moments of the conference for me were the quiet times in between sessions when speakers or attendees would simply sit together and pontificate on subjects in depth. Getting to know people from countries, backgrounds, and industries is very important when it comes to being able to compare notes and bounce ideas off of when you’re in smaller places like I am here in New Zealand. I also love just walking the exhibition hall floor, too, to see who else is down there curiously looking into the experiential aspect of VidCon.

  • Fandoms

    Fandoms are the backbone of VidCon. I’ve never seen so many diverse, engaged, and passionate people when it comes to influencers/creators/YouTubers and their communities. I find it absolutely fascinating to just sit and watch how the young people who attend VidCon act and interact with each other – and, on the other side of the coin, interact with their online heroes IRL. There’s literally no better place to get right to the heart of how Gen Z and younger generations are creating content – and consuming it. The fandoms are powerful. They’re fascinating. And, they give me so much insight and hope for the future of storytelling. The kids, team. The kids just want a great story.

  • Inspiration

    Inspiration. It’s something I know I’m always chasing. I’ll keep this point very short-and-sweet: just go. If you can, go. Grab an Industry pass. Go to sessions across each of the three tracks. Do the meet-and-greet hall and feel the buzz of meeting a creator (and being surrounded by their fans!) Magic is all around, as is inspiration.

For photos, vids & stories of my travels to VidCon & beyond, follow me here: www.instagram.com/cassieroma

The #MeToo Movement Matters, So Does Your Reaction To It

I hope you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and understandably upset while reading this.

Super uncomfortable, even. Uncomfortable enough to want to click away to something more jaunty, more on-the-surface. Less laden with hurt, and less truth-filled. But, fight the discomfort. Keep reading.

Why? Because I want you to change, even in the smallest way. I want you to quiet that voice in your head that automatically puts this blog into ‘another story of men treating women badly’ bucket. And, I want you to care enough by the time you reach the last word to actually do something about sexual predatory behavior against women.

I want you to feel uncomfortable as you read this for a litany reasons. So many reasons. And, if one thing comes of you reading or sharing a story like this, I hope that  you’re able to empathize with, or start to understand how I (and many women) feel in public when we leave the fortress of our own safe spaces – that is, if we’re among those who have safe spaces at all.

Put simply, when we’re out in the world full of rushing, commuting, hustling, working, moving people – we’re at risk. Constantly.

This is our world today.

A world where men still belittle, sexualise, harass, stifle, and expect women ‘just take it.’ Openly. Randomly. Continually. At work and at home – and beyond. And, before we start off with the ‘not all men’ argument, I’ll put this right up front: I know not all men objectify and harass women. Good men are all around, but most good men don’t speak out. Don’t act out. Don’t stand up against daily micromoments of sexual harassment. I, for one, have been lucky to have grown up with – and in adulthood been surrounded by – good, strong, kind men. I’m under no illusion that some men truly do work hard to ensure women are safe. Because of this, I love men as I love women. As equals. As friends. As colleagues. But, I’m also a realist. We’re not equals. Not by a country mile. Not yet.

Let’s get real.

Men objectify women constantly – even when they don’t know they’re doing it. It happens in small moments, in big moments, and in the moments in between where a long glance, a throw-away statement, or a slight unwarranted touch still go unmentioned or unnoticed. It’s in-built into even the most liberal of societies that masculinity, at its core, is synonymous with being somehow bigger, brawnier, and entitled than women. And these traits transcend physical size (Believe me, I know. I’m a big woman.)

As you read this, and as you read article after article about Trump, Weinstein, and other depraved men, I want you to feel lots of things, but mostly gross. Gross because my story is average. In the great bell-curve of humanity, my experience and existence is akin to that of most other women. Right in the middle – but to both ends of the extreme curve, too – we have similar stories to tell. That in itself is gross. I also want you to feel as gross as I did when an old man on public transport in Rome thought that dry-humping me in public was okay. As gross as I do every time a man puts his body in my personal space and touches me without consent. As gross as I do every time I speak, type, post, or otherwise communicate while having to wonder ‘will this be read as flirting?’

I want you to feel the fear of walking alone after dark. And the intense anger I have to internalize when I walk to work in the morning while men in trucks lean out of their windows shouting degrading, disgusting words in my direction. You want to see my tits? That’s too bad. It ain’t happening, asshole. There’s a reason I’m wearing three layers on a hot day. You like my legs? Well I’d like it if you kept that to yourself. I’d rather you, Mr Catcaller (and all of your friends who laugh & think that public harassment is okay), knew just how intrusive your jeering looks, non-consensual touching, and degrading words make me feel.

I also want the other guys in said trucks to shut their friends up. To make everyday sexual harassment taboo. If you don’t speak up, out, or against – you’re part of the problem.

If you’re still here, keep reading.

If you’re online at all, I’m sure you’ve noticed the #MeToo posts across Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter this week. Hundreds of thousands (perhaps, by now, millions) of women are using this succinct, powerful hashtag to show just how prevalent sexual harassment and abuse is against women. It’s disheartening. It’s scary. It’s banal in that we need to keep coming up with impactful ways to show just how widespread the mistreatment of women and girls in EVERY DAY LIFE is. Last night I thought about the #MeToo hashtag. I thought about my mother, my daughter, my fiancee, my friends, my colleagues, my heroes… and I realized that I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t have a story about male predatory behavior.

Not. A. Single. Woman.

In thinking long and hard on the subject, and in trying to find ways to make meaningful discourse commonplace across the world – I retreated to the place I always retreat when I’m feeling ponderous. My own head. I started writing this blog before every putting pen to paper, and hands to keyboard. I thought about the innumerable times I’ve been harassed, felt unsafe, and been talked down to because of my gender. The unwanted gropes in rugby clubs. The unwarranted catcalls and professional moments of being called Sweetie while being talked over by men. I hoped beyond hope that my own daughter would suffer less vile behavior over the course of her lifetime. I hope.

It’s fair to say that I don’t know how to force a change in male behavior or shift the narrative around poison views of masculinity that drive such behavior. But, I have some ideas on where to start.

What follows are a few things we can all do to stop the normalization of sexual harassment. Hopefully, together, we’ll not see another generation of #MeToo posts. But, the cynic in me, sadly, thinks we will.

1. (Dudes) Get comfortable with being uncomfortable

In the world we’re living in today, masculinity is judged in thousands of different ways – and most of them all lead back to sexual conquest. In fact, potentially all of them do. That means that even the idea of standing up for equality for women, and in treating them as equals goes against everything society says makes a man. My take is simple. Get uncomfortable in your own skin. Actively challenge how you measure your own worth as a man – and as a human. Dig into learning about what bothers/scares/worries/belittles women in interactions at work, in public, at home. Read blogs by women who have been raped, assaulted, or harassed. Don’t click away. Feel anger on the behalf of those who’ve been hurt, yet see their words as harrowing. Also, know that painful memories are shared with in hopes of stopping similar behavior in others. The truth of the matter is this: women feel uncomfortable almost all of the time. Those who say they don’t are either magical unicorns who never leave the house, or are absolutely drinking the proverbial Kool Aid of patriarchy. Here’s a quick win, don’t get all up in my grill. Don’t think it’s okay to put your body in my space without express consent. Don’t exacerbate the problem at work and come up to my desk, or any woman’s desk, and put your foot up on my chair so that your crotch is in my face. Don’t. Do. This. I’ll call you out on it. Loudly. It’s gross. It’s in appropriate.

2. Be hyper-aware.

Be aware of your body. Your voice. Your aura. Your manspread. As women, we’re aware of all of this all of the time. We know how much space we’re allowed to take up. We know how much we’re supposed to say in meetings before being spoken over or not spoken to at all. Be hyper-aware of the fact that all women have, in one way or another, been objectified (if not worse) by a man.  And every time it happens, it hurts. Here’s a good rule of thumb: Treat all women like you’d treat The Rock. I mean, you wouldn’t inappropriately touch, fondle, catcall or speak down to (or over) Dwayne Johnson would you? Not if you valued your life and physical well-being you wouldn’t! Not only would The Rock immediately let you know of his displeasure, he’d probably go to great ends to make sure you never displeased him so again. Also, an important fact to be aware of is that most women really like most men. We do. But just because we laugh at a funny joke or smile at you, doesn’t mean we want to go to bed with you. Most often, we only want to interact as equals. Be aware.

3. Stand up, Act Up, Speak Up

If your friends are the idiots leaning out of car windows wolf-whistling and shouting obscene sexual profanities at women while they walk or jog in public, and you don’t shut them down or speak out – then you’re an active part of the problem. If you’re in meetings at work where women are spoken over, call others out on this and make space for female voices to be heard and acted upon. And, if you see someone who is uncomfortably close to a woman and feel her discomfort, help. Do something. Don’t just shrug and move on. To be better, you need to do better. Act better. Speak out more. Standing up for women is a great first step in bucking a centuries-long tradition of belittling them. We all have the ability to do this in moments both big and small, day in and day out. We’re all in charge of our actions and reactions. Take ownership. Even the smallest actions you take powerful ones.

While the above is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg when it comes to changing how society views sexual harassment and equality, I think there are some good nuggets to chew through when it comes to making sure women are respected in daily life – not harassed.

Women, we need to speak up, too.

Loudly. I know it’s scary, and it’s hard being that b*tch who calls people out on their bullshit. But we need to do it. The onus falls on us to act in solidarity. This doesn’t mean we all need to go out and burn our bras (but oh, a life without bras!), it simply means we need to be vigilant. We need to actively speak about our consent or non-consent. We need to yell right back at the catcallers if that’s what it takes. If all we do is giggle at jokes that men in power tell (jokes that are meant to put us in a subservient, cliche, weak position),then we’re propagating the problems as much as our male counterparts are. We all need to work together on this one, Team. We need to read more, learn more, act more, speak more, do more. Be more.

I hope this made you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and understandably upset.

I felt that way writing it. I feel that way living it.

#MeToo