I’m 44 years old and still figuring stuff out.
And, by stuff I mean me.
At my core I’m a hopeless optimist.
But, being human and all, I also have moments where I like to dangle my feet over the edge of a void that I just can’t put into words. That heavy, dark, infinite space where self-doubt, wonderment, love, and what-the-f*ck-is-life-about-anyhow exists in an existential black hole with the gravitational pull of a million suns.
After much living, THE GOOD LIFE, it seems, is less a Hollywood movie punctuated by perfectly packaged moments that lead to always-on happiness and is more psychological thriller. Our chapters are etched in the ink of hope. Of routine and normalcy. Of pedal-to-the-medal off-road adventures. Of grief.
In each chapter, we get to write our own stories of calm, growth, f*ck-ups, fix-ups, chaos, curiosity, adventure, loss, and passion that belies belief.
In the end, as we look back on our lives, it’s the twists we never saw coming that will leave us smiling and thinking “Damn, what a GOOD life!”
It’s in wow we lean into the curves of well-trod paths and jump before we put on a parachute knowing that, whatever happens, we’re going to learn to fly at some point – might as well be now!
DEFINING THE UNDEFINABLE
Throughout my life, I’ve had two dominant definitions of what makes a life well lived.
They can be distilled into:
- A happy life — one where we spend our days chasing joy, comfort, and ease.
- A meaningful life — one grounded in purpose, connection, and making a difference.
Wow! What great paths, right?! And, if we get little tickles of both – then we’re winning the unwinnable. Kinda.
I came across an article in the Washington Post recently that got me thinking very deeply about what makes a GOOD LIFE. For me. On my terms.
When we think about a happy life or a purposeful life surely (since everything is made up) there have to be other iterations that allow for the nuance that becomes our gift of individual meaning.
In the article, Erin Westgate suggests that there’s a third way to living a GOOD LIFE: a psychologically rich life.
This kind of life is messy, complex, and interesting. It’s the kind of life that forces us out of our comfort zones, challenges our beliefs, and gives us the kind of perspective shifts that leave us saying: “Well heck, I didn’t see that plot-twist coming.”
I’m definitely a plot-twist-teasing, universe-trusting, alignment-in-chaos, laugh-through-the-hard-times kind of person. I see life as a blessing, a rollercoaster, a wave to surf, an adventure, and a constant search for wonderment in connection.
Connection with people, nature, and everything that exists beyond what we can explain or even imagine.
EVERYTHING IS MADE UP
When you break down the three models for a GOOD LIFE, they could be summed up as…
A happy life might end with, “It was fun!”
A meaningful life might close with, “I made a difference.”
But a psychologically rich life? That one ends with, “What a journey!”
Here’s the plot twist worth holding onto: everything is made up.
The rules about what a “good life” should look like? Made up.
The milestones we’re told matter most? Made up.
The linear narrative of success, family, career, legacy? All stitched together by cultures that change with the seasons.
This means each of us gets to decide what makes up a good life for us. If happiness, meaning, and richness are all part of the human smorgasbord, then the art of living well is about choosing your own recipe.
To me, the good life is less “happily ever after” and more “what a wild ride!” Sometimes we just need to buckle up while we white-knuckle the ride.
To breathe deep, face our demons and ghosts head-on, spill our guts in therapy, shake our fists at the moon – and, gather tools along the way to help us build the structure of who we are.
GOOD LIFE TOOLKIT
We all need a toolkit.
Some tools I like to play with when it comes to living my BEST GOOD LIFE are:
Stay Curious
Curiosity is the gateway drug to psychological richness. When things feel stale, ask different questions: What if I tried it this way? Who else could I learn from? What am I missing?
Roll with the Punches
Life will deal you blows—loss, grief, disappointment. Resilience isn’t about bouncing back perfectly. It’s about flexing, wobbling, and then finding your feet again.
Find Joy in the Small Stuff
A “good life” isn’t just the mountaintops—it’s the daily coffee ritual, the laugh-snort at a friend’s terrible joke, a slow-dance in the kitchen on Sunday morning. Take it all in. Make it all magic.
Reframe the Narrative
What feels like failure today might be the lesson that changes all of your tomorrows for the better. When life doesn’t go to script, remember—you’re the author. You get to revise.
WHAT A JOURNEY, EH?
The “good life” isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s not just happy, not just meaningful, not just rich in complexity—it’s yours to shape.
Everything is made up. So we must be bold in deciding what YOUR GOOD LIFE looks like.
Pack it with joy where you can. Pack it to the gills. Let it overflow with emotion, feeling, meaning, lessons, awe, and stories.
Lean into moving when you feel called to.
Stand still and take in the beauty around you.
Say “Yes!” to experiences that expand your mind and your heart.
At the end of it all, you the goal is to look back and say, with a wry smile (and maybe a few knowing tears):
“What a helluva journey, eh?!”
